Some people believe the purpose of education should be helping the individual to become useful for society, while others believe it should help individuals to achieve their ambitions. Discuss both sides and give your opinion?
In the modern world, some
people
think that education
has to support to become a part of society, while
other people
contemplate that it should focus on helping individuals
goals and ambitions. In my opinion, both view have their merits.
On the one hand, education
can provide individuals
to attend to society by teaching them with the skills and knowledge that are need
for different types of jobs,Wrong verb form
needed
such
as medicine, teaching or engineering. By the way, this
improves understanding of their rules and responsibilities as well as
individuals
can create productivity. Admittedly, by focusing on practical skills,moral values and social awareness, education
can produce responsible citizens.
On the other hand
, some people
argue that education
should primarily help individuals
to achieve their goals and ambitions. This
opinion encourage
and explore Change the verb form
encourages
students
talents, passions and personal instincts. Change noun form
students'
student's
In addition
, they can create their own future kingdom with the support of education
. In turn, individuals
can motivate and improve their personal satisfaction by the influence of education
.
In conclusion, although
some people
argue that education
has to create citizens who are more responsible and productive , therefore
, others think that it have
to influence Change the verb form
has
students
future and their goals Change noun form
students'
student's
as well as
ambitions.Submitted by Writing9 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured, containing an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, work on enhancing your use of linking phrases to make the connections between ideas even clearer, such as adding more transitional phrases like 'on the other hand', 'moreover', and 'furthermore.'
task achievement
Your response addresses both views as required, but consider incorporating more specific examples and details that demonstrate a deeper exploration of each perspective. This will strengthen your argument and show a thorough analysis of the topic.
task achievement
Ensure clarity and precision in expressing your ideas. You have a good foundation, but working on clearer sentence construction and avoiding minor inaccuracies will improve comprehension. For example, use 'admittedly' correctly in sentences to enhance meaning.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses both perspectives on the topic, showing a balanced consideration, which demonstrates a good understanding of the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, main body, and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your argument systematically.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and provides your overall opinion, neatly tying the essay together.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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