IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe the purpose of education should be helping the individual to become useful for society, while others believe it should help individuals to achieve their ambitions. Discuss both sides and give your opinion?

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In the modern world, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that
education
Use synonyms
 has to support to become a part of society,
while
Linking Words
 other
people
Use synonyms
 contemplate that it should focus on helping
individuals
Use synonyms
 goals and ambitions. In my opinion, both view have their merits. On the one hand,
education
Use synonyms
 can provide
individuals
Use synonyms
 to attend to society by teaching them with the skills and knowledge that are
need
Wrong verb form
needed
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 for different types of jobs,
such
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 as medicine, teaching or engineering. By the way,
this
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 improves understanding of their rules and responsibilities
as well as
Linking Words
individuals
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 can create productivity. Admittedly, by focusing on practical skills,moral values and social awareness,
education
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 can produce responsible citizens.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
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 argue that
education
Use synonyms
 should primarily help
individuals
Use synonyms
 to achieve their goals and ambitions.
This
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 opinion
encourage
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encourages
show examples
 and explore
students
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students'
student's
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 talents, passions and personal instincts.
In addition
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, they can create their own future kingdom with the support of
education
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. In turn,
individuals
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 can motivate and improve their personal satisfaction by the influence of
education
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. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
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 argue that
education
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 has to create citizens who are more responsible and productive ,
therefore
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, others think that it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to influence
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
 future and their goals
as well as
Linking Words
 ambitions.

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coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured, containing an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, work on enhancing your use of linking phrases to make the connections between ideas even clearer, such as adding more transitional phrases like 'on the other hand', 'moreover', and 'furthermore.'
task achievement
Your response addresses both views as required, but consider incorporating more specific examples and details that demonstrate a deeper exploration of each perspective. This will strengthen your argument and show a thorough analysis of the topic.
task achievement
Ensure clarity and precision in expressing your ideas. You have a good foundation, but working on clearer sentence construction and avoiding minor inaccuracies will improve comprehension. For example, use 'admittedly' correctly in sentences to enhance meaning.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses both perspectives on the topic, showing a balanced consideration, which demonstrates a good understanding of the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, main body, and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your argument systematically.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and provides your overall opinion, neatly tying the essay together.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • vocational training
  • professional education
  • workforce
  • informed citizens
  • critical thinking
  • civic activities
  • personal talents
  • nurture
  • innovation
  • specialize
  • personal satisfaction
  • self-awareness
  • fulfilled lives
What to do next:
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