IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #lives #change
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Each person has two options for living in his/her
life
 span.
Also
, the individual has the right to choose any of them; on the
one
 side, choosing a peaceful
life
 without
changes
.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the other side,
one
 may go for a
life
 with accepting risks and
changes
.
This
 essay is going to discuss both sides and give reasons
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 any chosen
way
 of
life
. On the
one
 hand, avoiding
changes
 can be a reflection of types of personality. There are two types of
people
 explained in a psychological test, MBTI, extroverted and introverted
people
. “Mostly the ones who are greatly energetic and never scared to face failure do choose a
life
 which is not boring and repetitious;
this
 type of
people
 are extroverted,
in other words
,” said Doctor John Smith, professor of psychology
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 Oxford University.
Although
 these
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 of
people
 are unique in their own
way
,
this
way
 of
life
 they choose can have many effects either on satisfaction or unpleasant
way
. What can be named as satisfaction
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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: never getting bored in their
life
, gaining experiences,
knowing
Correct word choice
and knowing
show examples
 what is their
way
due to
 the many experiences they have received. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contrast, many practices of an individual can have a negative effect which cannot be compensated.
On the other hand
, introverted
people’s
Change noun form
people
show examples
 (
people
 who are introverted ) do choose mostly a calm and neutral
life
.
At
Change preposition
As
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result of what Doctor
john smith
Correct your spelling
John Smith
show examples
 said and mentioned above, introverted
people
 are mostly after a peaceful
life
 where they can chill and everything
have
Verb problem
is
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
organize
Wrong verb form
organised
show examples
 and they
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
never face sudden
changes
.
for instance
; if they always order
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same pasta in a restaurant and never try another new dish, they don’t want to accept the risk of tasting awful or unsatisfactory.
Over all
Correct your spelling
Overall
show examples
, both
type
Change to a plural noun
types
show examples
 of chosen
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 of
life
 are respective and good for any person but what is important is that the
way
that is
 chosen matches the personality of the whom it chooses. So, I personally agree with avoiding
changes
 and
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 doing
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 things.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
The essay addresses both views, but it could provide a more thorough analysis of each perspective. Adding more detailed examples or evidence to support both perspectives would enhance the response.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and serve their function well. However, the essay would benefit from clearer transitions between paragraphs to improve flow and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all statements are clearly expressed and easy for the reader to understand. Some sentences appear unclear due to poor structure or missing punctuation.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both views on the subject, which is a strength in terms of task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage for discussing both perspectives, and the conclusion provides a personal opinion, which is a strong point.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • status quo
  • stagnation
  • routine
  • comfort zone
  • predictability
  • specialization
  • innate
  • personal growth
  • adaptability
  • fast-paced
  • new horizons
  • equilibrium
  • progress
  • dynamic
  • transformation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: