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Band 6

In recent years, technology has significantly transformed the way people communicate. Some believe that these changes have brought more advantages than disadvantages, while others argue the opposite. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#years #technology #people #believe #changes
Today,
technology
 transformation has changed the way
people
 communicate with each other. Despite more benefits that we can get from
this
 high-tech era, some
people
 feel there are so many negative impacts of
this
technology
 on society. In my opinion, it depends on us how we can fully benefit from high
technology
 to improve our life qualities and ignore the negative impacts.
First,
many
people
 have improved their life qualities by optimizing the
technology
 to accelerate their
communication
 with colleagues to achieve more goals.
For example
,
people
 who work in selling or marketing can reach a wider buyer by using various features in their smartphone. They can instantly offer their products with one click and send them to thousands of
people
 through e-mail or
communication
 apps like WhatsApp and many other things. They can simply add pictures, videos, or anything that can attract customers. By
this
 strategy, they can gain more benefits rather than selling in a traditional way.
Second,
Otherwise
, there are some negative impacts for
people
 who use
communication
 apps
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their smartphones. because
this
 condition was utilized by some cheaters to instantly "rob"
people
.
for example
, a cheater will call or chat
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 a person and introduce them as a friend of theirs.
then
, by using hypnosis techniques, they can manipulate their target to rob their money. By using a smartphone, these cheaters can target hundreds of
people
 in a day. Usually, older
people
 are
easely
Correct your spelling
easily
easy
 to be manipulated. In conclusion, it depends on
people
's objectives in using a smartphone to accelerate
communication
. A good person will optimize
this
 and gain more goals.
while
 bad
people
 can use
technology
 in negative ways.
Submitted by putri on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to maintain consistent sentence structure. Avoid starting multiple sentences in a row with transitional phrases like 'For example' or 'then'. This will help improve coherence and create a more fluid reading experience.
Task Achievement
Provide more balanced examples for both views in order to clearly depict the advantages as well as disadvantages of technological communication.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-defined and present, providing a clear start and end to the essay.
Task Achievement
The essay provides specific examples, helping to illustrate the main points effectively.
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