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Writing Samples
Band 6

In recent years, technology has significantly transformed the way people communicate. Some believe that these changes have brought more advantages than disadvantages, while others argue the opposite. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#years #technology #people #believe #changes
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Today,
technology
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 transformation has changed the way
people
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 communicate with each other. Despite more benefits that we can get from
this
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 high-tech era, some
people
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 feel there are so many negative impacts of
this
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technology
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 on society. In my opinion, it depends on us how we can fully benefit from high
technology
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 to improve our life qualities and ignore the negative impacts.
First,
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many
people
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 have improved their life qualities by optimizing the
technology
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 to accelerate their
communication
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 with colleagues to achieve more goals.
For example
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,
people
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 who work in selling or marketing can reach a wider buyer by using various features in their smartphone. They can instantly offer their products with one click and send them to thousands of
people
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 through e-mail or
communication
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 apps like WhatsApp and many other things. They can simply add pictures, videos, or anything that can attract customers. By
this
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 strategy, they can gain more benefits rather than selling in a traditional way.
Second,
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Otherwise
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, there are some negative impacts for
people
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 who use
communication
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 apps
in
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on
show examples
 their smartphones. because
this
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 condition was utilized by some cheaters to instantly "rob"
people
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.
for example
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, a cheater will call or chat
to
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with
show examples
 a person and introduce them as a friend of theirs.
then
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, by using hypnosis techniques, they can manipulate their target to rob their money. By using a smartphone, these cheaters can target hundreds of
people
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 in a day. Usually, older
people
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 are
easely
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easily
easy
 to be manipulated. In conclusion, it depends on
people
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's objectives in using a smartphone to accelerate
communication
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. A good person will optimize
this
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 and gain more goals.
while
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 bad
people
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 can use
technology
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 in negative ways.
Submitted by putri on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to maintain consistent sentence structure. Avoid starting multiple sentences in a row with transitional phrases like 'For example' or 'then'. This will help improve coherence and create a more fluid reading experience.
Task Achievement
Provide more balanced examples for both views in order to clearly depict the advantages as well as disadvantages of technological communication.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-defined and present, providing a clear start and end to the essay.
Task Achievement
The essay provides specific examples, helping to illustrate the main points effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • transform the way
  • instant connectivity
  • democratized information
  • over-reliance
  • interpersonal skills
  • digital platforms
  • real-time updates
  • social isolation
  • misinformation
  • constant connectivity
  • mental health challenges
  • balance
  • maximize benefits
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