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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowdays, the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationship people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

#nowdays #people #technology #relationship #become #development
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Technology
 has changed the way
people
 communicate. They say that it helps them to reach
people
 quickly, but some argue that it makes
people
 become more distant.
Therefore
, in
this
 essay, I would like to discuss how
technology
 has affected their relationship and its development. Before
technology
 was invented,
people
 had to write letters and
sent
Wrong verb form
send
show examples
 them to post offices and wait for a response from the receiver.
This
 could take days
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 months to hear back from them.
However
, with
technology
, they are able to communicate instantly wherever they are.
For example
,
although
 my friend lives in the US, it is easy for us to talk to each other through phones.
Additionally
, we can video chat as well. With that being said, distance does not become a problem in communicating anymore.
On the contrary
,
technology
 has made
people
 more anti-social. They are always busy with their phones and not talking to
the
Correct determiner usage
each
show examples
 other
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 they are right
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of them.
Moreover
, they seem to be addicted
with
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 it and can not go a day without it.
For instance
, I often see a couple
that is
 having dinner at a restaurant. Yet,
instead
 of talking to each other, they are busy playing on their phones
while
 eating.
This
also
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
 to families, where they are having dinner but everyone is minding their own
businesses
Fix the agreement mistake
business
show examples
. Ultimately, I believe that
technology
 is a good development.
Nevertheless
, without any boundaries in using it has made
people
 distant, but, they are so close to each other in reality.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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introduction conclusion present
Enhance your introduction by outlining the main points you will discuss in the essay, providing the reader a clear expectation of the content.
introduction conclusion present
Provide a clear conclusion that summarizes your key points and directly states your perspective on whether the development is positive or negative with supporting reasons.
logical structure
Ensure transitions between paragraphs and ideas are smooth, making it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
supported main points
Try to balance the positive and negative aspects of technology's impact on communication, possibly bringing in more examples for each.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear and engaging introduction that sets up the topic of the discussion well.
relevant specific examples
You provided relevant examples, like communicating with a friend in the US and observing people at a restaurant, to illustrate your points effectively.
complete response
The essay addresses both positive and negative effects of technology on relationships, showing a balanced view.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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