The bar chart shows the factors that most affect work performance at a given company by age group.

The bar chart shows the factors that most affect work performance at a given company by age group.
IELTS Writing Task Chart for The bar chart shows the factors that most affect work performance at a given company by age group.
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The bar chart illustrates the factors that
leave
Verb problem
have
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an effect on the working performance of different age groups in terms of different reasons.
Overall
Linking Words
,it is noticeable that the chance for personal development,relaxed working environment and promotion prospects have the biggest demand among the younger generation ,
while
Linking Words
for adults salary is considered most important.For both age groups, the least interesting sphere is job security and working environment. At
first
Add a comma
first,
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the biggest number constitutes a chance of personal development but only among youngsters,reaching approximately the peak of scale,90
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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,
while
Linking Words
adults do not overpass 50.Team spirit,competent boss,respect
of
Change preposition
for
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colleagues,doing job with a satisfaction,working environment and salary constitute nearly the same percentage among all aged people with the slight difference in percentages. In terms of relaxed working and promotion prospects,the percentage of implementation of work increases to 80 in comparison with older people ,who have a level of 30 and 50
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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.
However
Linking Words
,job security does not register a significant number in two groups 20 and 40,respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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