Children are facing more pressures from academic, social and commercial sources. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce it?

It is true that nowadays young people experience more stress in schools and society and from commercials.
This
essay will discuss the major causes of
pressurs
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pressures
pressure
that
childrens
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children
show examples
have, including
they study
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studying
show examples
in
competative
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competitive
environments,
compare
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comparing
show examples
htemselves
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themselves
with others and they see
deaily advertisments
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daily advertisements
that
encorage
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encourage
them to buy new products.
This
essay will
also
suggest solutions to these problems
such
as schools
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
show examples
on real
underestanding
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understanding
instead
of just
acheave
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achieve
high
scors
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scores
score
,
notice
Wrong verb form
noticing
show examples
that comparing with others
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
to stress and
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
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government
movement
should take
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
regarding
to limit
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limiting
show examples
advertisements that
aims
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aim
show examples
children
. In
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
life
Add a comma
life,
show examples
most
of
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apply
show examples
children
try to be more successful in academic areas. They need to get high band scores because it
influence
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influences
show examples
their future to
be accept
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be accepted
show examples
in a good
univercity
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university
.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
Stanford
enterance
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entrance
exam has 80% of
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
score and 20% would be the high school results. Another problem is that people
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
social media share their top moments and they rarely post sad memories.
For
example
instance people
in
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on
show examples
Instagram mostly post their meals at expensive restaurants.
Advertising
Correct article usage
The advertising
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industry
due to
earn more benefits fond it easy to work on
childres
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children
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
. so they focus
to create
Change preposition
on creating
show examples
commercial video clips to influence
childrens
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children
children's
.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
we can see that
xiaomi
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Xiaomi
show examples
produces mobiles named "Yungi". To
adress
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address
these issues schools should use schemes that encourage
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
to get deep
in
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into
show examples
lessons
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because
this
method
help
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helps
show examples
them to get a better job.
For
example
in
engeeniring
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engineering
filds
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fields
companies hire
peple
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people
with
prctical
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physical
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
not good grades in academic fields. To
avoide
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avoid
immense comparison with other
childres
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children
we need
that families
Change the determiner
that family
those families
show examples
teach
Add the particle
to teach
show examples
this
from childhood to
children
so
the
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they
show examples
don't have
such
challenges in adulthood.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
should implement policies that limit
advertisments
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advertisements
that aim
children
Change preposition
for children
show examples
just to earn money and don't have some benefits for themselves. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
in
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
life
Add a comma
life,
show examples
our
chidren
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children
have a lot of pressures from
varios
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various
sources.
This
essay discussed some
couses
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causes
courses
of these
pressurs
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pressures
and
also
suggest
Wrong verb form
suggested
show examples
their solutions .
Submitted by jingelbing on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, focus on clearly organizing the main points and ensuring that they are supported by relevant examples. Additionally, make sure your response fully addresses all parts of the question, providing a balanced discussion of both causes and solutions.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, work on enhancing the logical flow between paragraphs and ideas. Use more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively outlines the main points you intend to discuss in your essay, which provides a clear roadmap for the reader.
task achievement
You have identified some relevant causes and potential solutions to the pressures faced by children, showing your understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic pressure
  • peer pressure
  • consumer culture
  • high expectations
  • mental health support
  • mindfulness programs
  • stress-relief
  • extracurricular activities
  • unrealistic standards
  • social media influence
  • advertising targeting
  • mental health education
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