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Band 5.5

Many people believe that having a fixed punishment for all crimes is more efficient. What are the advantages and disadvantages of having a fixed punishment?

#people #punishment #crimes
Some people would agree that a fixed
punishment
 might make the justice
system
 more efficient. I would like to explore
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
show examples
 and cons of the fixed penalties and try to determine if it is a working solution.
First,
I will go through some of
advantages
Add an article
the advantages
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the fixed
punishment
system
.
For example
, predetermined options for a variety of crimes may be more
fare
Correct your spelling
fair
show examples
 for people on trial.
In addition
, I think that it is really important to have a
system
 to make sure, that a thief will not get
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
punishment
 than a murderer.
Also
, the judge is a big part of a trial, so personal feelings and circumstances could play some role in the final decision, and
this
 liability might be eliminated by the fixed penalties
system
. Another advantage could be that the fixed penalties might decrease a
work load
Correct your spelling
workload
show examples
 for the justice
system
, free time for more twisted cases where
this
system
 would not work properly. There is no perfect solution where human nature is involved, and because of
this
, the fixed
punishment
system
 has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 own disadvantages as well. As an example, each crime is unique, every person may have their reasons or special circumstances which made them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
commit a crime.
Furthermore
, it would be close to impossible to create a list of fixed
punishment
Fix the agreement mistake
punishments
show examples
 for each and every crime and add
an additional points
Correct the article-noun agreement
additional points
an additional point
show examples
 for everything. In conclusion, fixed
punishment
 could possibly help in a lot of cases, but should not be mandatory to follow. In my opinion, the justice
system
 can treat it as a strong recommendation
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but always pay attention to the special circumstances
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 each case.
Submitted by totora246 on

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Task Achievement
Include more specific examples or cases to strengthen arguments.
Task Achievement
Ensure all points are well-supported with relevant details or examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clarify and logically order your ideas to improve coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using paragraph transitions for smoother flow.
Structure
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, framing the discussion well.
Task Achievement
The essay attempts to address both advantages and disadvantages, showing balance.
Language
Your language use is generally clear, aiding understanding.
Task Achievement
The essay stays on topic and maintains relevance throughout.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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