IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people would agree that a fixed punishment might make the justice system more efficient. I would like to explore the pros and cons of the fixed penalties and try to determine if it is a working solution.

#people #punishment #justice #system #penalties
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First,
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I will go through some of the advantages
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the fixed
punishments
Fix the agreement mistake
punishment
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system
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, predetermined options for a variety of crimes may be more fair for people on trial.
In addition
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, I think that it is really important to have a
system
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 to make sure, that a thief will not get a higher punishment than a murderer.
Also
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, the judge is a big part of a trial, so personal feelings and circumstances could play some role in the final decision, and
this
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 liability might be eliminated by the fixed penalties
system
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. Another advantage could be that the fixed penalties might decrease a
work load
Correct your spelling
workload
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 for the justice
system
Use synonyms
, free time for more twisted cases where
this
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system
Use synonyms
 would not work properly. There is no perfect solution where human nature is involved, and because of
this
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, the fixed punishment
system
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 has its own disadvantages as well. As an example, each crime is unique, every person may have their reasons or special circumstances which made them
to
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apply
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commit a crime.
Furthermore
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, it would be close to impossible to create a list of fixed punishments for each and every crime and add additional points for everything. In conclusion, fixed punishments could possibly help in a lot of cases, but should not be mandatory to follow. In my opinion, the justice
system
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 can treat it as a strong recommendation
,
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apply
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 but always pay attention to the special circumstances
for
Change preposition
of
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 each case.
Submitted by totora246 on

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task achievement
Try to enhance the examples used in the essay by making them more specific and detailed. This will help to illustrate your points more vividly and make your arguments stronger.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more transition words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay and ensure your points are clearly linked together.
task achievement
You've clearly addressed both pros and cons of fixed punishments, indicating a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay, reiterating the complexity of implementing fixed punishments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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