Some people believe The purpose of education should be helping to individual to become useful for society while others believe it should be help individuals to achieve their ambitions . Discuss both sides and give your opinion

Many people reckon that the aim of
education
should be prepared to contribute usefully to
society
.
However
, others are more drawn to the idea of achieving their aims and ambitions,
while
both decisions have equally plausible valid merits I personally believe it proves better for
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieving
show examples
personal ambition rather than
contribute
Wrong verb form
contributing
show examples
the
society
. Admittedly, There are a number of reasons why the main purpose of studying should be prepared to contribute the
society
. First and foremost,
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
all of the countries on the planet provide
fee
Correct your spelling
free
show examples
education
to their students so that they contribute
effeciently
Correct your spelling
efficiently
to
society
when they grow up.
For instance
, all students, at least primary and secondary can access without fee. The government is hoping that they are repaying their contribution to their societies.
This
,
as a result
, leads to contribute to
society
effeciently
Correct your spelling
efficiently
in the future. On top of that building social harmony might be the chef's reason to
this
point. The more problem-solving skills are beneficial, the more they build communication skills easily.
This
, in effect, contributes to
education
for
society
's
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
. As much as l acknowledge the points above l
tent
Correct your spelling
tend
show examples
to reckon the
chef
Change noun form
chef's
show examples
purpose of
education
may be achieving their ambitions. One of these is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
fostering independence.
Education
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not only
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
show examples
purposes and
encouage
Correct your spelling
encourages
to
setting
Replace the word
set
show examples
and
achieving
Wrong verb form
achieve
show examples
their goals but
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
built
Wrong verb form
builds
show examples
confidence.
This
,
hence
,
encouage
Correct your spelling
encourages
students to set a goal.
Moreover
, achieving their goals can create an excellent way to job
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
in the future .
This
is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
they have confidence and much experience after that.
This
can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
to
appreciate
Change the verb form
appreciating
show examples
the
education
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
their goals. In conclusion,
while
some individuals are in favour of helping societies in the future, l am of the opinion it is worse than the second point since the more it
encouage
Correct your spelling
encourage
encourages
setting and achieving personal ambition, the more they build confidence and independence.
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coherence correction
Your essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, you might benefit from organizing your ideas more logically. Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows naturally to the next point.
task correction
To improve your task achievement, ensure your arguments are fully developed with relevant evidence. Use specific examples to support your points and add depth to your discussion.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument, addressing the task's requirements.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets a clear context for your discussion by presenting both perspectives.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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