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Band 5.5

Some people believe that global warming is today’s most pressing environmental problem. At the same time, some consider deforestation to have the most devastating impact on the world. Discuss both views and give your opinion on the same.

#people #today’s #time #consider #deforestation #impact #world
Nowadays, it is believed that the constantly growing temperatures are the most important environmental problem. I tend to think that
destruction
Correct article usage
the destruction
show examples
 of forest
areas
 can be much more dangerous for humankind. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both of them and introduce my opinion
at the end
.
Firstly
,
elimination
Correct article usage
the elimination
show examples
 of forests can cause
extinction
Add an article
the extinction
show examples
 of
variuos
Correct your spelling
various
 types of animals. Some of them
ajust
Correct your spelling
are
 better to the constantly changing environment,
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others can extinct.
For instance
, birds can change
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 area of
existance
Correct your spelling
existence
,
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mammals,
such
 as
deers
Fix the agreement mistake
deer
show examples
 or rabbits can not do
this
 easily.
Secondly
,
due to
 the destruction of forests
areas
 for hunting and
fruts
Correct your spelling
fruits
fruit
 gathering will
also
 be missed. That will negatively affect locals
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they will have not enough food or their
moneyflow
Correct your spelling
money
 will be harmed. Based on my experience, my grandma was always gathering
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mushrooms during the summers. But because of
constantly
Correct article usage
the constantly
show examples
 growing
city
Add a comma
city,
show examples
 she is unable to do
this
 now. Because of
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 she
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to spend more money on food.
On the other hand
,
melting
Correct article usage
the melting
show examples
 of ice on the south and north poles can cause constant
floodings
Fix the agreement mistake
flooding
show examples
 across the
word
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
. It will not only be destructive for the people living near the watersides but
also
 for the animals and plants growing in
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
areas
.
For example
, scientists say that in the span of 100
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 the level of oceans will rise drastically.
This
 will cause enormous
enviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 damage
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 for the small islands.
To conclude
, I think both of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 problems are very important. But it is essential for humankind right now to fight deforestation and help locals and animals living in
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
areas
.
Submitted by isakov.iv1 on

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language
Ensure correct spelling through consistent editing.
coherence
Add more linking words and phrases for smoother transitions in paragraphs.
task response
Use specific studies or statistics to enhance your examples.
structure
Clear introduction and conclusion that outlines your opinion effectively.
task achievement
Discussion of both viewpoints is well-presented, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
examples
Real-life examples that relate to personal experiences enhance your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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