The graph below shows the percentage of the Australian workforce in five industries between 1962 and 2012.

The following graph shows the percentage of the Australian workforce, broken down into five different industries, over a 50-year period from 1962 to 2012.

Overall

Linking Words

, it is clearly observed that

service

Correct article usage

the service

show examples

sectors experienced

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

upward growth,

whereas

Linking Words

that of the

the

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

manufacturing and agriculture underwent a downward trend.

However

Linking Words

, the remaining two sectors remained stable across five decades. In 1962, a closer look at the line graph

show

Change the verb form

shows

show examples

that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

about 52% of Australians worked in Services which was the highest

percentages

Fix the agreement mistake

percentage

show examples

among all other types of

workforces

Fix the agreement mistake

workforce

show examples

, followed by Manufacturing at nearly half of its figure at 26%.

While

Linking Words

Mining accounted for the lowest percentages at about 1%, the other two groups were much larger at 9% in Construction and 11% in Agriculture. It is noticeable that Australian employees in Service rose at a constant rate and reached its peak in

early

Change the article

the early

show examples

2000s before

remained

Wrong verb form

remaining

show examples

stable. Manufacturing, on

one

Correct article usage

the one

show examples

hand, fluctuated over time with

Correct article usage

a 5

show examples

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

fall and

rise

Add an article

the rise

show examples

and gradually declined to 10% in 2012. Agricultural-wise

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

experienced

slight

Correct article usage

a slight

show examples

1-2%

dropped

Wrong verb form

drop

show examples

during the first half and plummeted to 5% in the second half. Constructions remained constant at 9-10% and so did Mining at 2-3%.

kamonluck1999

Nov 1, 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 78%.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 3 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.

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4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

196 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

proportion
workforce
sector
decline
increase
transition
trend
innovation
efficiency
service-oriented economy
outsourcing
global trend
expanding
fluctuating
urban expansion
infrastructure development

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The graph below shows the percentage of the Australian workforce in five industries between 1962 and 2012.

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

You are working in a school. Write a letter to the Principal to recommend your friend for the position of sports teacher in your school. In your letter – say how long you have known him/her – describe his/her qualifications – explain why you think he/she would be suitable for the job.

Despite better access to education, some adults are not able to read or write. What are the main disadvantages of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?

Developing countries require help offered by international organizations to ensure healthy and sustainable development. Some people think that financial aid is important. Others believe that practical aid and advice are more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.