IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of the Australian workforce in five industries between 1962 and 2012.

The graph below shows the percentage of the Australian workforce in five industries between 1962 and 2012.
The following graph shows the percentage of the Australian workforce, broken down into five different industries, over a 50-year period from 1962 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly observed that
service
Correct article usage
the service
show examples
 sectors experienced
an
Correct article usage
apply
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upward growth,
whereas
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 that of the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
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manufacturing and agriculture underwent a downward trend.
However
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, the remaining two sectors remained stable across five decades. In 1962, a closer look at the line graph
show
Change the verb form
shows
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 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
at
Change preposition
apply
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about 52% of Australians worked in Services which was the highest
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
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 among all other types of
workforces
Fix the agreement mistake
workforce
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, followed by Manufacturing at nearly half of its figure at 26%.
While
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 Mining accounted for the lowest percentages at about 1%, the other two groups were much larger at 9% in Construction and 11% in Agriculture. It is noticeable that Australian employees in Service rose at a constant rate and reached its peak in
early
Change the article
the early
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 2000s before
remained
Wrong verb form
remaining
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 stable. Manufacturing, on
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, fluctuated over time with
5
Correct article usage
a 5
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%
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 fall and
rise
Add an article
the rise
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 and gradually declined to 10% in 2012. Agricultural-wise
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 experienced
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
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 1-2%
dropped
Wrong verb form
drop
show examples
 during the first half and plummeted to 5% in the second half. Constructions remained constant at 9-10% and so did Mining at 2-3%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 78%.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • workforce
  • sector
  • decline
  • increase
  • transition
  • trend
  • innovation
  • efficiency
  • service-oriented economy
  • outsourcing
  • global trend
  • expanding
  • fluctuating
  • urban expansion
  • infrastructure development
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