IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people do not allow their children to participate in games, sports or competitions unless everyone gets a prize. Others think that games, sports or competitions Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge.

#people #children #games #sports #competitions #prize
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I agree that
children
 need to learn how to face winning and losing during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
games
,
sports
 or
competitions
although
 there is no prize.
First,
winning and losing are
arounding
Correct your spelling
around
 our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. We can't avoid them.In our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, we must get different
ending
Fix the agreement mistake
endings
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 one thing.
Except
Add the preposition
Except for
show examples
games
,
sports
 or
competitions
, we have
exam
Fix the agreement mistake
exams
show examples
,
interview
Fix the agreement mistake
interviews
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 school and work.Those
children
 will not
experience
Correct pronoun usage
experience it
show examples
. They may get
lose
Wrong verb form
lost
show examples
 and how they can face it. They may easy to
givr
Correct your spelling
give
 up their life.
Games
,
sports
 or
competitions
 can let them try the feeling of losing and learn how to face it. Teaching them to think losing is a
smell
Correct your spelling
small
show examples
 thing, not need to be
too
Replace the word
to
show examples
worry
Wrong verb form
worried
show examples
, you can keep going by the
children
 lost at the
games
,
sports
 or
competitions
. So it is needed to learn
facing
Change the verb form
to face
show examples
wnning
Correct your spelling
winning
 and losing.
Second,
children
 can learn a lot of things during
games
,
sports
 or
competitions
. Some of them need to play or do with teammate(s) or groupmate(s) so
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 need to work together.
Children
 can learn teamwork.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 different people have different advantages and disadvantages.
Children
 can learn the advantages and change the disadvantages from others like a mirror.
Others
Correct quantifier usage
Other
show examples
children
 can make friends and be happy during the
games
,
sports
 or
competitions
. It
improve
Change the verb form
improves
show examples
 their mental health. For
includ
Correct your spelling
example
,
children
 can learn a lot of things during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
games
,
sports
 or
competitions
.I agree that
children
 must learn to deal with winning and losing in order to be fully prepared
fo
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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task achievement
Ensure that the essay fully responds to all parts of the task. Expand on the idea of why children should or should not receive prizes in competitions and provide clear examples to illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Focus on organizing the essay with clear paragraphs that each have a central idea and support it with relevant examples or explanations. Use linking words to better connect your ideas across sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Revise some sentences for clarity and to avoid ambiguity. Some points could be presented more fluidly to ensure they're easily understood, particularly in your argument about why losing is beneficial.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion that children benefit from learning to face winning and losing, which is well-maintained throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay begins with an engaging introduction that communicates the main viewpoint.
task achievement
You have identified important aspects of competitive play, such as teamwork and mental health benefits, which enhance the essay's depth.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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