IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

A friend is considering buying a house nearby, but you have decided to leave the area due to a rise in crime. Write a letter to your friend advising them not to move into the neighbourhood. In your letter: – Recommend that your friend not go ahead with the purchase – Give the reasons behind your decision to leave – Suggest possible alternative areas that you know

#friend #house #area #rise #crime #move #neighbourhood #purchase #decision #alternative #areas
Dear Jashan, I hope you are doing great. I am glad to hear that you are buying a new house in my area. To my dismay, I am writing
this
 letter to warn you about ongoing crimes nearby, and I advise you not
sign
Fix the infinitive
to sign
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 any deal for a house in my society as the violation and unlawful activities are giving up day by day. To add more grief, I have decided to leave
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society because
this
 environment is not suitable for my family.
Moreover
, Street snatching and robberies have increased, and no one can walk freely here.
Lastly
,
this
 area is half of drug dealers.
Thus
, there is no point to live here. As my house retailer said there are plenty of alternative areas to live. He sent me
couple
Change the article
a couple
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 of societies and among
them
Add a comma
them,
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 decent William Street is the one I found safe and cheap.
Apartments
Fix the agreement mistake
Apartment
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 showings are beginning next week so please join me, it will be a great investment. I look forward to
hear
Change the verb form
hearing
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 from you. Best regards, Raj
Submitted by rajwants.1997 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and clarity, try to structure your letter with clearer paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point, such as recommending against the purchase, explaining why, and suggesting alternatives. This will help make your letter easier to follow.
task achievement
Polish the language a bit more to enhance the overall tone of your letter. For example, phrases like 'To add more grief' could be rephrased to be smoother, such as 'Furthermore, I have decided to leave because...'.
task achievement
Your tone is very appropriate for writing to a friend, combining concern with friendliness.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing of the letter are well done and fitting for a letter to a friend.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • reconsider
  • unfortunate
  • incidents
  • safety concerns
  • deteriorating
  • neighborhood
  • increase in crime
  • personal experience
  • unsafe environment
  • alternatives
  • lower crime rates
  • amenities
  • community-oriented
  • recommend
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