Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development

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Recently a big part of the population suffering from health issues has been choosing to find unusual ways to solve them rather than conventional medicine.

Consequently

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, a large number of patients are dying because of

this

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Firstly

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, one of the main problems is the spreading of misinformation through the population.

This

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is mainly happening because of the internet, especially social media, where people do the impossible in order to get some shares.

For example

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, in a little town in Italy, a person has started posting on Facebook how he could cure cancer,

as a result

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, few individuals wanted to be saved from him.

However

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, what they did not know, was that the drug he was giving them contained aluminium, a toxic compound which, in the worst-case scenario can cause medullary aplasia leading to death within weeks.

Hence

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, five of them died and four had irreversible damage to their kidneys and brain.

Secondly

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this

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issue is

also

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due to

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the fact that usually doctors may have a lack of skills in communication,

thus

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, some patients find them unreliable and decide to choose a different way to get better.

According to

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researchers from Oxford's university, sick people assisted by physicians who create a bond with them, are less likely to get alternative assistance.

Therefore

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, if

this

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not

Add a missing verb

does not

show examples

happen, the sufferer might choose a different path, which leads them to even more harm and pain. In conclusion, I strongly believe

this

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development is bad for the society.

In addition

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, I believe administrations should take action in order to end it as soon as possible,

for instance

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, governments should severely punish whoever practises alternative medicine.

Submitted by alessandro.talese on Fri Nov 01 2024

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task achievement

The essay clearly addresses the task by providing a stance on the issue, arguing that the rise in alternative medicine use is a negative development. Make sure to consistently link the examples back to your main argument, enhancing coherence.

coherence cohesion

While the paragraphs are logically structured and the main ideas are supported, transitions between ideas could be smoother to improve overall flow. Consider using more cohesive devices to link ideas within paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, serving to effectively frame and summarize the argument.

task achievement

You have included specific examples to support your points, such as the story of the unfortunate incident in Italy, which helps to illustrate the dangers of alternative medicine practice.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

271 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

alternative medicines
treatments
positive development
negative development
health problems
usual doctor
access
personalized approach
holistic well-being
lack of regulation
evidence-based research
proper medical treatment

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Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Your opinion

Some people think that teachers are no longer needed because students can study via the Internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some schools are very strict about their school uniforms and the appearance of their pupils, while other schools have a very relaxed dress code. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children of having a school uniform?

Some people get into debt by buying things they don't need and can'f afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

The world is experiencing dramatic in population,which is causing problems not only for developing countries but also for developed nations Describe some of the problems that overpopulation causes and suggest at least one possible solution.