Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Recently a big part of the population suffering from health issues has been choosing to find unusual ways to solve them rather than conventional medicine.
Consequently
, a large number of patients are dying because of
this
.
Firstly
, one of the main problems is the spreading of misinformation through the population.
This
is mainly happening because of the internet, especially social media, where people do the impossible in order to get some shares.
For example
, in a little town in Italy, a person has started posting on Facebook how he could cure cancer,
as a result
, few individuals wanted to be saved from him.
However
, what they did not know, was that the drug he was giving them contained aluminium, a toxic compound which, in the worst-case scenario can cause medullary aplasia leading to death within weeks.
Hence
, five of them died and four had irreversible damage to their kidneys and brain.
Secondly
,
this
issue is
also
due to
the fact that usually doctors may have a lack of skills in communication,
thus
, some patients find them unreliable and decide to choose a different way to get better.
According to
researchers from Oxford's university, sick people assisted by physicians who create a bond with them, are less likely to get alternative assistance.
Therefore
, if
this
not
Add a missing verb
does not
show examples
happen, the sufferer might choose a different path, which leads them to even more harm and pain. In conclusion, I strongly believe
this
development is bad for the society.
In addition
, I believe administrations should take action in order to end it as soon as possible,
for instance
, governments should severely punish whoever practises alternative medicine.
Submitted by alessandro.talese on

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task achievement
The essay clearly addresses the task by providing a stance on the issue, arguing that the rise in alternative medicine use is a negative development. Make sure to consistently link the examples back to your main argument, enhancing coherence.
coherence cohesion
While the paragraphs are logically structured and the main ideas are supported, transitions between ideas could be smoother to improve overall flow. Consider using more cohesive devices to link ideas within paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, serving to effectively frame and summarize the argument.
task achievement
You have included specific examples to support your points, such as the story of the unfortunate incident in Italy, which helps to illustrate the dangers of alternative medicine practice.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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