IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people find it difficult to manage their money. How could the government help prevent debt problems and support such people?

#people #money #government #debt #support
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Debt
 is no longer a taboo topic in society, as many factors influence individuals to take on loans, one of the most common being difficulty managing
finances
. Government support plays an important role in helping those already in
debt
 and preventing others from falling into it.
Firstly
, Increasing public understanding through financial literacy programs, which help people understand how to manage personal
finances
, including budgeting, saving, and investing.
This
 knowledge can help them avoid unnecessary
debt
.
However
, these programs require a significant budget to cover training, seminars, and campaigns, especially across wide areas and diverse community groups.
Second,
Preventing
debt
 from escalating by regulating interest
rates
,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
helps people manage
debt
 more effectively, particularly with short-term and online loans, so that
debt
 does not grow quickly
due to
high-interest
Correct your spelling
high interest
show examples
rates
.
However
, lower interest
rates
 might
also
 encourage excessive borrowing without careful planning, potentially leading to unhealthy
debt
.
Debt
 has become a common issue in society, often driven by challenges in managing personal
finances
. Government support is essential to help people already in
debt
 and prevent new
debt
. Two primary solutions are: increasing public understanding through financial literacy, which helps individuals manage personal
finances
 to avoid
debt
, though it requires a significant budget, and preventing
debt
 from escalating through fair interest rate regulation to help individuals manage
debt
 better, though lower
rates
 can lead to excessive borrowing. These solutions complement each other in helping society manage and prevent
debt
.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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task achievement
Consider including specific examples or case studies to support your main points, as this could make your argument even more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay is well-structured, ensure all points are interconnected with smooth transitions for even greater coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets up the topic by mentioning the increasing social acceptance of debt.
task achievement
The essay effectively raises potential government interventions, showcasing the idea's strength.
coherence cohesion
A logical structure is evident throughout, with each paragraph focusing on an individual approach.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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