In multi-cultural societies, people of different cultural backgrounds live and work together. Do you think the advantages of multi-cultural societies outweigh the disadvantages

#societies #people #backgrounds #work

Nowadays,multi-cultural

societies

are best characterized by

people

of different cultural

backgrounds

.In my opinion,the fact that

people

of diverse cultural

backgrounds

live and work together brings more advantages than disadvantages. Living and working in a multi-cultural

society

creates a wide variety of benefits.To start with,

people

can broaden their horizons by living and working in a multi-cultural environment.Specifically,different cultures generate different viewpoints and ideas,which helps

people

to better understand the world.

Besides

people

from different cultural

backgrounds

contribute to the

society

in more creative ways.Evidently,countries

such

as Australia and Canada have more festivals to celebrate because of their

multi-cultural

Correct your spelling

multicultural

show examples

nature,which means rich cultures are fostered in these countries.

Above all

people

from different cultures help the multi-cultural

society

boost its economy.To be more specific,immigrants

as well as

their families and friends create a large amount of profit for the tourism industry,which directly generates more revenue for the multi-cultural

society

On the other hand

,some arguments can be made that multi-cultural

societies

may have more conflicts.The main reason for

this

is that

people

from different

backgrounds

may not understand each other well.But closer examination would reveal that

multi-cultural

Correct your spelling

multicultural

show examples

societies

such

as Australia and Canada have very low crime rates,as immigrants are carefully selected by governments.It is manifest that multi-cultural

societies

actually have less to worry about in

this

respect. Having considered all the arguments above,I would conclude that multi-cultural

societies

enjoy more benefits.

Submitted by Truffle & Muffin on Fri Nov 01 2024

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task achievement

Try to provide more unique examples and personal insights to make your arguments stand out.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next with linking words or phrases to enhance cohesion.

task achievement

The introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments, which shows a clear understanding of the topic.

coherence cohesion

Your essay follows a logical structure with well-defined paragraphs dedicated to each main point.

task achievement

You bring up valid points about diversity enriching society culturally and economically.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

225 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In multi-cultural societies, people of different cultural backgrounds live and work together. Do you think the advantages of multi-cultural societies outweigh the disadvantages

Include an introduction and conclusion

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Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

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