In multi-cultural societies, people of different cultural backgrounds live and work together. Do you think the advantages of multi-cultural societies outweigh the disadvantages

#societies #people #backgrounds #work

In the present

days

Fix the agreement mistake

day

show examples

,issues concerning cultural

diversity

have sparked much discussion.In

multi-cultural

Correct your spelling

multicultural

show examples

communites

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communities

community

people

from different ethnic aspects live and work

along

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alone

show examples

.In my opinion,the fact that individuals from cultural

diversity

settle and work together brings more

agvantages

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advantages

than

disadvantanges

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disadvantages

. living and working in a multi-cultural society creates a wide variety of benefits.

firstly

,as

societies

with various

people

from different backgrounds leading to

grater

Correct your spelling

greater

show examples

creativity,innovation,and a broader range of perspectives.

For example

,everybody can broaden

theur

Correct your spelling

their

horizons by living and working in

Add an article

a multi-cultural

show examples

multi-cultural

Correct your spelling

multicultural

show examples

environment.

Moreover

multi-cultural

Correct your spelling

multicultural

show examples

societies

often

take

Verb problem

play

show examples

a significant part help attracting talented

people

around the globe,take part in boosting economic prosperity and creating a more dynamic workforce.

For instance

some

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in some

show examples

cross-culturalism

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cross-cultural

show examples

societies

such

as Singapore,

citizen

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a citizen

show examples

there

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

create a large amount of profit for their nation because of new technologies that

their

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they

show examples

invented.Most importantly,

with

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apply

show examples

sucessful

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successful

social cohesion can lead to better understanding,tolerance,and harmony among different cultural groups.To illustrate,It

provides

Verb problem

helps

show examples

people

with different backgrounds

learn

Fix the infinitive

to learn

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how to cope when situations arise where they have conflicts with each other.

On the other hand

,some

agruements

Correct your spelling

agreements

arguments

can be made that cultural

diversity

may occur

mre

Correct your spelling

conflicts.The main reason for

this

is that difficulty sometimes easily

lead

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leads

show examples

misconception

Fix the agreement mistake

misconceptions

show examples

,misunderstandings,problems,or discrimination.

But

Correct word choice

However

show examples

some studies have shown that Singapore which

consider

Wrong verb form

is considered

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

one of the

cultural

Change the word

culturally

show examples

diversity

of the world have very low crime rates

due to

their efficient laws compared to some

monocultaralism

Correct your spelling

monoculturalism

countries.It is

ovbious

Correct your spelling

obvious

that cross-culturalism

societies

actually have less to worry about in

this

respect. Having considered all the arguments above.I would conclude that

multi-caltural

Correct your spelling

multi-cultural

societies

enjoy more benefits.

Submitted by Truffle & Muffin on Fri Nov 01 2024

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task achievement

Focus on further developing your ideas with specific examples to enhance your argument. Try to delve deeper into examples that clearly illustrate your points.

coherence cohesion

Pay attention to your paragraphing to help guide the reader through your argument more clearly. Try to make sure that each paragraph contains one main idea that is fully developed.

coherence cohesion

Be mindful of some minor grammatical and vocabulary errors. Although they don't impact the meaning significantly, they can be polished for better clarity and sophistication of the language.

introduction conclusion present

A clear introduction and conclusion were provided, effectively framing your discussion on the advantages and disadvantages of multicultural societies.

task achievement

You offered a promising response that acknowledged both sides of the argument regarding multicultural societies, showing a balanced approach.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

248 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Cultural diversity
Social cohesion
Economic prosperity
Integration
Cultural identity
Heritage preservation
Language barriers
Global talent
Innovation
Inclusion
Tolerance
Intercultural understanding

What to do next:

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In multi-cultural societies, people of different cultural backgrounds live and work together. Do you think the advantages of multi-cultural societies outweigh the disadvantages

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The school library is seeking applicants for a job over summer break. Write a letter to the library’s manager, in your letter include: – A brief introduction of yourself – Your experience and relevant skills – Why you want the job