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Band 4.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
In recent years, certain individuals who have health issues and using other options of medicines and
treatments
 are growing. Before, they usually visited their doctor. I think
this
 is a negative development and I elaborate on the following essay.
Firstly
, some
people
instead
 of visiting a doctor use
herb
Fix the agreement mistake
herbs
show examples
 to
cure
 themselves.
However
,
this
 alternative medicine
such
 as herbs are unknown and even if some of them are useful for
treatments
 their side effects are unknown.
For example
, in Iran, many
people
 use these herbs to
cure
 coronavirus
while
 these do not
cure
such
problems
 and the side effects of them create
problems
 for them.
Secondly
, some
people
 assert alternative treatment like
yoga
 is secure and
people
 do not scare them.
Although
 I accept
this
, only these
treatments
 do not
cure
 health
problems
 and are just good for helping with the first opting
cure
 strategy like visiting a doctor.
For instance
,
yoga
 is so useful for the human mind and they need to visit psychology
besides
this
 treatment, they go to
yoga
. In conclusion, nowadays,
people
 for
cure
 their health
problems
 do not visit doctors
instead
 use other options like herbs or
yoga
 to
cure
 themselves and these
treatments
 are insecure and insufficient. I think
this
 is a negative development.
Submitted by mkhdermani on

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structure
Your essay should have a more structured introduction and conclusion to strengthen your argument. Although the introduction sets the stage for your viewpoint, it could be more defined by clearly stating what you'll discuss.
content
Try to provide more developed arguments and examples. While you present some ideas, elaborating on them further with detailed examples or explanations could add depth to your essay.
cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and smooth transition to the next. The essay reads slightly disjointed at times. Varied sentence starters and conjunctions could improve the flow.
task
You have successfully pointed out two main reasons to support your idea that the development is negative, which shows you understood the task requirement well.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion and restates your main points clearly.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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