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Band 5

Some people believe that students should be taught international news as a subject at school. Others feel that this would be a waste of valuable school time. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #students #news #school #waste #time
There are some who suggest that schools must have the
compulsary
Correct your spelling
compulsory
 class of
foreing
Correct your spelling
foreign
news
 so as
focus
Fix the infinitive
to focus
show examples
students
 on international events. I completely disagree with
this
statment
Correct your spelling
statement
 because
this
 subject has
minimum
Add an article
a minimum
show examples
 value and
this
 time could be spent more
eficiently
Correct your spelling
efficiently
. It is highly possible that
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
 international events will help
students
 to become citizens of the World, highly adaptive and welcomed everywhere people. Knowing facts and a political situation in a country shows
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
 level of intelligence of an individual, so it helps to connect with society.
This
 person will have many topics for discussion, increasing
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 number of friends.
For instance
, many
students
 who are enrolled
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
foreing
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foreign
 universities experience pressure because they are not aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
 way of living and them hard to
maintane
Correct your spelling
maintain
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
.
In contrast
, if
this
 new subject existed, youngsters who study abroad would make social links
simplyer
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simpler
simply
 than they do it now.
On the other hand
, knowing
foreing
Correct your spelling
foreign
news
 is not beneficial for the majority of teenagers and
this
 time can be used on what makes
impact
Add an article
an impact
show examples
 on all pupils.
This
 is because more than 95% of
students
 do not plan to study abroad,
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 and
attending
Wrong verb form
attend
show examples
 universities in
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 countries.
Moreover
,
news
 are changed so fast, that, when a youngster visits another country, the observed at school articles may not be actual.
In addition
, time for
this
 class may be
substituded
Correct your spelling
substituted
 by lessons
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 math or languages, subjects which are highly
vallued
Correct your spelling
valued
 by many
recruters
Correct your spelling
recruiters
 of prestigious companies. In
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conclusion
conslusion
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conclusion
, I firmly believe that
Correct your spelling
schools
shcools
Correct your spelling
schools
 should not accept the class
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
international
news
 in their curriculum, so
students
 can focus on more important subjects and, if
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are
Correct your spelling
interested
intrested
Correct your spelling
interested
, they can learn
such
 information outside of school hours
Submitted by sergeybelov83 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of paragraphs. Some points can be better organized to enhance understanding.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and relatable.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your ideas to make them clearer and more comprehensive. This will help in conveying your opinion more effectively.
task achievement
The essay clearly presents both views on the topic and offers a personal opinion, fulfilling the task requirement.
coherence cohesion
Good use of introduction and conclusion to frame the argument and summarize the stance taken.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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