As compared to the past, children these days spend more of their leisure time indoors with computers and TV and less time outdoors. Describe some of the problems this lack of outdoor leisure time can cause and suggest at least one possible solution.
These days,
children
spend more of their leisure time
with electronic devices and less time
playing outdoors. The problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
of
Change preposition
with
lack
of outdoor Correct article usage
the lack
activities
are
that it hinders their physical Correct subject-verb agreement
is
health
and reduces their concentration
on studies. The solutions
Fix the agreement mistake
solution
of
these Change preposition
to
problems
are
that Correct subject-verb agreement
is
children
should be encouraged to increase their outdoor activities
and learn about the detrimental effects
of lack
of outdoor Correct article usage
a lack
activities
.
One of the biggest problems
of lack
of outdoor activities
is it hinders the physical health
of children
. If children
spend most of their time
staying indoors
, they will not involve
in physical Wrong verb form
be involved
activities
. They will not move their bodies and lead a sedentary lifestyle
. Consequently
, staying indoors
for a long time
makes them obese and they suffer from numerous diseases. Moreover
, if children
stay indoors
for a long time
, it affects their concentration
on studies. They become bored staying a long time
in
Change preposition
apply
indoors
, and it hinders their concentration
. For example
, in India, there are a
huge differences in academic results Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
of
Change preposition
between
children
who take part
in physical activities
and who
do not. Correct determiner usage
those who
Children
who take part
in physical activities
perform better than those who do not.
To solve these problems
, children
should be encouraged to take part
in physical activities
. Rewards can be declared to encourage children
to take part
in outdoor activities
. Furthermore
, children
should know about the harmful effects
of sedentary lifestyle
. If they know about it, they will be conscious of their health
and become interested in outdoor activities
. As a result
, they will reduce the time
of indoor activities
. For example
, in Australia, children
learn about the harmful effects
of sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
lifestyle
in school curriculums. It helps to raise awareness about the detrimental effects
of lack
of outdoor activities
and inpires
Correct your spelling
inspires
inspire
children
to take part
in physical activities
.
In conclusion, children
should learn about the harmful effects
of sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
lifestyle
and they should be encourage
to take Change the verb form
be encouraged
part
in physical activities
. Staying indoors
for a long time
hinders their health
and concentration
on their studies.Submitted by rahman_rehana on
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coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a clearer development of ideas. While the main issues and solutions are presented, expanding on each point with more detailed explanations and transitioning smoothly from one point to the next might enhance clarity and cohesion.
task achievement
Although the essay presents a structured response, consider revisiting points to offer more specific examples where necessary, to strengthen arguments with relatable or researched evidence, thus improving engagement and understanding.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a structured response with an introduction, body, and conclusion, demonstrating a good understanding of essay structure requirements.
task achievement
The essay successfully identifies and explains the problems and solutions related to children's lack of outdoor activities, which aligns well with the task requirements.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite