As compared to the past, children these days spend more of their leisure time indoors with computers and TV and less time outdoors. Describe some of the problems this lack of outdoor leisure time can cause and suggest at least one possible solution.
These days,
children
spend more of their leisure Use synonyms
time
with electronic devices and less Use synonyms
time
playing outdoors. The Use synonyms
Use synonyms
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
of
Change preposition
with
Use synonyms
lack
of outdoor Correct article usage
the lack
activities
Use synonyms
are
that it hinders their physical Correct subject-verb agreement
is
health
and reduces their Use synonyms
concentration
on studies. The Use synonyms
solutions
Fix the agreement mistake
solution
of
these Change preposition
to
problems
Use synonyms
are
that Correct subject-verb agreement
is
children
should be encouraged to increase their outdoor Use synonyms
activities
and learn about the detrimental Use synonyms
effects
of Use synonyms
Use synonyms
lack
of outdoor Correct article usage
a lack
activities
.
One of the biggest Use synonyms
problems
of Use synonyms
lack
of outdoor Use synonyms
activities
is it hinders the physical Use synonyms
health
of Use synonyms
children
. If Use synonyms
children
spend most of their Use synonyms
time
staying Use synonyms
indoors
, they will not Use synonyms
involve
in physical Wrong verb form
be involved
activities
. They will not move their bodies and lead a sedentary Use synonyms
lifestyle
. Use synonyms
Consequently
, staying Linking Words
indoors
for a long Use synonyms
time
makes them obese and they suffer from numerous diseases. Use synonyms
Moreover
, if Linking Words
children
stay Use synonyms
indoors
for a long Use synonyms
time
, it affects their Use synonyms
concentration
on studies. They become bored staying a long Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
indoors
, and it hinders their Use synonyms
concentration
. Use synonyms
For example
, in India, there are Linking Words
a
huge differences in academic results Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
of
Change preposition
between
children
who take Use synonyms
part
in physical Use synonyms
activities
and Use synonyms
who
do not. Correct determiner usage
those who
Children
who take Use synonyms
part
in physical Use synonyms
activities
perform better than those who do not.
To solve these Use synonyms
problems
, Use synonyms
children
should be encouraged to take Use synonyms
part
in physical Use synonyms
activities
. Rewards can be declared to encourage Use synonyms
children
to take Use synonyms
part
in outdoor Use synonyms
activities
. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, Linking Words
children
should know about the harmful Use synonyms
effects
of sedentary Use synonyms
lifestyle
. If they know about it, they will be conscious of their Use synonyms
health
and become interested in outdoor Use synonyms
activities
. Use synonyms
As a result
, they will reduce the Linking Words
time
of indoor Use synonyms
activities
. Use synonyms
For example
, in Australia, Linking Words
children
learn about the harmful Use synonyms
effects
of Use synonyms
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
lifestyle
in school curriculums. It helps to raise awareness about the detrimental Use synonyms
effects
of Use synonyms
lack
of outdoor Use synonyms
activities
and Use synonyms
inpires
Correct your spelling
inspires
inspire
children
to take Use synonyms
part
in physical Use synonyms
activities
.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
children
should learn about the harmful Use synonyms
effects
of Use synonyms
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
lifestyle
and they should Use synonyms
be encourage
to take Change the verb form
be encouraged
part
in physical Use synonyms
activities
. Staying Use synonyms
indoors
for a long Use synonyms
time
hinders their Use synonyms
health
and Use synonyms
concentration
on their studies.Use synonyms
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coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a clearer development of ideas. While the main issues and solutions are presented, expanding on each point with more detailed explanations and transitioning smoothly from one point to the next might enhance clarity and cohesion.
task achievement
Although the essay presents a structured response, consider revisiting points to offer more specific examples where necessary, to strengthen arguments with relatable or researched evidence, thus improving engagement and understanding.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a structured response with an introduction, body, and conclusion, demonstrating a good understanding of essay structure requirements.
task achievement
The essay successfully identifies and explains the problems and solutions related to children's lack of outdoor activities, which aligns well with the task requirements.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite