At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do you think that the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Agree
Benefit of young adults + supporting statement + example (support economy)
Negative of older + Supporting statement + solution (lower contribution)
Agree + emphasize
Currently, in several nations, the number of
younger
population Add an article
the younger
are
larger than the older generation. I believe Change the verb form
is
this
condition brings more benefit to the society.
Firstly
, one of the advantages of having [younger population] is their ability to contribute to the economy as a
Remove the article
apply
labor
. Change the spelling
labour
These
group has a lot of things to offer Change the determiner
This
such
as energy and new idea
that will boost Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
the
economic development. Correct article usage
apply
For example
, on
the past decades, China has been experiencing Change preposition
in
a
significant growth through their Remove the article
apply
millenials
contribution.
Correct your spelling
millennial
On the other hand
, the less developed workforce has limited
ability to impact the country's economy which Correct article usage
a limited
hinder
their quality of life. Change the verb form
hinders
This
phenomenon mainly occurred in less developed countries such
as Sudan. Nevertheless
, education could be a solution to overcome this
issue as educated workers will likely provide a far larger impact than those who are less fortunate.
To sum up
, the benefit from
having Change preposition
of
higher
percentage of [younger population] in a certain country Add an article
a higher
outweigh
its disadvantages. Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
However
, it is essential to keep on educating the new upcoming population to maximize their contribution to the
society.Correct article usage
apply
Submitted by auliahakim0001 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the clarity and accuracy of sentence structures to ensure that ideas are conveyed coherently. For example, clarify phrases like '[younger population]' to avoid confusion.
coherence and cohesion
Improve logical structuring between paragraphs, providing smooth transitions that clearly define how each point ties into your overarching argument.
task achievement
Provide a broader range of supporting examples for claims to increase the depth of your argument, particularly when discussing international contexts.
introduction conclusion
The introduction clearly states a position, setting a good foundation for the essay.
task achievement
Use of specific example, such as China's economic growth, effectively supports the main point about younger populations contributing to economic development.
introduction conclusion
Conclusion succinctly sums up the points discussed and reinforces the essay's main argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.