IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that development of technology helps to reduce crime, while others think that it encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Whether the
development
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 of
technology
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 will reduce the
occurence
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occurrence
 of
crimes
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 or
otherwise
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 has been a hot topic on the Internet. In my view, regarding
to
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apply
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crimes
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, the advancement of
technology
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 is a double-edged sword. On the one hand,
technology
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 does significantly lower the possibility of committing
crimes
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. One compelling example is the widespread application of monitors, especially in some autocracies,
Correct quantifier usage
such like
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like
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as
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 North Korea or Cuba. In these countries, monitors with the function of facial recognition are omnipresent
that
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and
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 any criminal intention of anyone can be predicted by their governments.
Therefore
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, if purely measured by
ciminal
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criminal
 rates, the advancement of
technology
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 in these countries has indeed
make
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made
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 notable contributions, though at the cost of ordinary people's freedom.
This
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 illustration may
incidently
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incidentally
 discover a frustrating reality that when striving to
ameliorating
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ameliorate
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 social security, governments are inclined to achieve the goal by utilising the
development
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 of
technolohy
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technology
 to deprive ordinary people's privacy and freedom.
Nevertheless
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, it is irrefutable that the
development
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 of
technology
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 is
condusive
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conducive
 to the amelioration of social
secruity
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security
.
However
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, as the essay
have
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has
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 mentioned, the progress of
technology
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 could
also
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further
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 exacerbate social security. The emergence of Bitcoin is a typical example. Bitcoins are
kind
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a kind
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 of virtual monetary, whose most essential
characteristc
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characteristic
characteristics
 is its anonymity, making Bitcoins an ideal approach to avoid financial regulation. Currently,
according to
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 a report from BBC, Russia is leveraging Bitcoins to escape economic sanctions on it by the West for its invasion of Ukraine. The example has adequately demonstrated that
although
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 the progress of
technology
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 itself is neutral
,
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apply
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 when utilised by criminals, it could severely jeopardise the stability and security of a society or a nation.
Hence
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, there is
strong
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a strong
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 demand for governments to actively prepare themselves for
this
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 kind of
potentials
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potential
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, particularly when given the rapid
development
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 of AI, a potent tool. In summary, the advancement of
technology
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 is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it to some extent can sacrifice freedom or privacy to significantly reduce
crimes
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;
on the other hand
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, it can
also
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 stimulate
crimes
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 when legislators or regulators do not notice new threats brought by new
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development
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developments
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.

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grammar
Work on reducing grammatical errors to improve clarity and readability.
content
Consider further elaborating on how technology might encourage crime for a more balanced discussion.
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain coherence and logical flow.
content
The essay presents a balanced discussion of the topic, considering both views on technology's impact on crime.
examples
The use of examples such as monitors in autocracies and Bitcoin helps to illustrate points effectively.
structure
The introduction and conclusion clearly outline and summarize the main arguments, creating a strong structure.
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