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Band 5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at en early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this dictinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#children #difference #right #age #punishment #dictinction
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is, should the
school
 teach their
students
, how to survive financially in the
world
 today. In
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 years
this
wasn’t even discuss
Change the verb form
wasn’t even discussed
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.
Students
 independently learned how to use and
dictirbute
Correct your spelling
distribute
financed
Replace the word
finance
show examples
 wisely, through mistakes, which took a lot of money and time. Now
people
 are beginning to realize that young
people
 need
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 lessons. Personally, I tend to think that it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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should have happened earlier. I agree that today’s
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 must teach
theirs
Correct the word
their
show examples
students
 to financial literacy in the new
world
.
Firstly
, it is well known that when you only start living alone, you think every bauble
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is necessary and you cannot live without it. A good case in point is
people
 in a university life, they
knew
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
 that they should buy
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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food products or
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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household appliances.
Additionally
, put it off until the
last
 minute, and later they won’t have enough money. What I mean here is that
biggest
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the biggest
show examples
 mistake of young
people
, do not know how to divide their shopping
list
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lists
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 and desires into
a
Correct article usage
apply
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primary and secondary.
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
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 argument, why
school
 should teach
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation his skills, for a tranquil life in the future. Learning already in
school
 how to survive in
this
world
.
Students
 will know how much money will be spent on
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
different things,
such
 as electricity
bill
Fix the agreement mistake
bills
show examples
 and products. Living without surprises. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account in
out
Correct your spelling
our
show examples
 final analysis we can say that teaching
students
 in
school
 to well financial literacy in our
world
 can bring only benefit and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not harm.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task response
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic and provides some valid arguments. However, the examples could be more specific and detailed to effectively illustrate your points. Consider adding more concrete scenarios or data to strengthen your arguments.
task response
Try to improve the clarity of your ideas by using simpler sentence structures. Some sentences are complex and may confuse the reader. Focus on expressing one idea clearly in each sentence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from more signposting to guide the reader through your arguments. Use phrases like 'another significant reason' or 'furthermore' to connect your ideas seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which frame your argument well and are essential components of a cohesive structure.
task achievement
The essay identifies a clear topic and provides reasons for your stance, showing an adequate understanding of the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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