IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people believe the purpose of education should be helping the individual to become useful for society, while others believe it should help individuals to achieve their ambitions. Discuss both sites and give your opinion?

#people #purpose #education #society #individuals #ambitions #sites
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It is considered by some that knowledge of people can be more beneficial for developing of country . But, other
individuals
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 argue that it is
moreeffective
Correct your spelling
more effective
to
Change preposition
for
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 adults for their future aims. In my opinion,
education
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 is more essential for
Correct article usage
the developing
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developing
Replace the word
development
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 of
country
Correct article usage
the country
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,
while
Linking Words
 it is aimed
by
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at
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 teenagers. On the one hand, many argue that
educations
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education's
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 primary role should be to shape
individuals
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 into valuable members of society.
This
Linking Words
 perspective means preparing students
makes
Verb problem
to make
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 a speech contribution, equipping them, with skills to serve their society and increase the economy. By focusing on social needs,
education
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 can foster
the
Correct article usage
apply
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value
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values
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 like teamwork, responsibility,
empathy
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and empathy
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 and
ensuring
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ensure
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 that
individuals
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 are prepared to develop their knowledge in various fields like healthcare, technology and
education
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. In
this
Linking Words
 day,
education
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 can build a powerful future
of
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for
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country
Add an article
the country
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.
On the other hand
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, many people believe that
educations
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education's
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 purpose can be helpful to
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 own dreams.
According to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 view, if
education
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 focuses on personal goals
,
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apply
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 and aims, it allows
individuals
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 to improve their
mind
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minds
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,
self fulfilment
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self-fulfilment
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 and personal satisfaction. By improving self-development,
education
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 can help people
to
Verb problem
apply
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find fortune and glory that might not be unuseful to society. In my
opinion
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opinion,
show examples
education
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 should strive to balance both purposes. Helping
individuals
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 pursue their goals
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 equipping them with skills to consult in a well-rounded
education
Use synonyms
.
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, and use linking words to enhance the flow of ideas. Consider using phrases like 'on the contrary' or 'in contrast' for comparing viewpoints.
task achievement
For task achievement, try to articulate each argument more fully with specific supporting examples or evidence. This will make your points more convincing.
organization
Ensure that your essay follows a balanced structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Try to explicitly state your opinion again in the conclusion to strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
The essay attempts to develop both sides of the argument, which is crucial for a well-rounded discussion.
task achievement
You have a clear statement of opinion, indicating your stance on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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