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Some people believe the purpose of education should be helping the individual to become useful for society, while others believe it should help individuals to achieve their ambitions. Discuss both sites and give your opinion?

#people #purpose #education #society #individuals #ambitions #sites
It is considered by some that knowledge of people can be more beneficial for developing of country . But, other
individuals
 argue that it is
moreeffective
Correct your spelling
more effective
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 adults for their future aims. In my opinion,
education
 is more essential for
Correct article usage
the developing
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developing
Replace the word
development
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 of
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
,
while
 it is aimed
by
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at
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 teenagers. On the one hand, many argue that
educations
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education's
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 primary role should be to shape
individuals
 into valuable members of society.
This
 perspective means preparing students
makes
Verb problem
to make
show examples
 a speech contribution, equipping them, with skills to serve their society and increase the economy. By focusing on social needs,
education
 can foster
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
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 like teamwork, responsibility,
empathy
Correct word choice
and empathy
show examples
 and
ensuring
Wrong verb form
ensure
show examples
 that
individuals
 are prepared to develop their knowledge in various fields like healthcare, technology and
education
. In
this
 day,
education
 can build a powerful future
of
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for
show examples
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
.
On the other hand
, many people believe that
educations
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education's
show examples
 purpose can be helpful to
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own dreams.
According to
this
 view, if
education
 focuses on personal goals
,
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apply
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 and aims, it allows
individuals
 to improve their
mind
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minds
show examples
,
self fulfilment
Add a hyphen
self-fulfilment
show examples
 and personal satisfaction. By improving self-development,
education
 can help people
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
find fortune and glory that might not be unuseful to society. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
education
 should strive to balance both purposes. Helping
individuals
 pursue their goals
while
also
 equipping them with skills to consult in a well-rounded
education
.
Submitted by Writing9 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, and use linking words to enhance the flow of ideas. Consider using phrases like 'on the contrary' or 'in contrast' for comparing viewpoints.
task achievement
For task achievement, try to articulate each argument more fully with specific supporting examples or evidence. This will make your points more convincing.
organization
Ensure that your essay follows a balanced structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Try to explicitly state your opinion again in the conclusion to strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
The essay attempts to develop both sides of the argument, which is crucial for a well-rounded discussion.
task achievement
You have a clear statement of opinion, indicating your stance on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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