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Band 5.5

Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. Is this a positive or negative development?

#universities #offer #courses #internet #people #study #development
Nowadays, some universities provide
individuals
 with distance learning
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 by introducing online
cources
Correct your spelling
courses
sources
. Personally, I believe that
this
 phenomenon
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 equal advantages and
disadvateges
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
. On the one hand, it is understandable why people find distance learning desirable.
Firstly
, online
courses
 offer a more hassle-free education.
In other words
, people do not need to waste a significant amount of their time commuting between the university and their dwelling; which in turn, enables them to allocate their energy and time to the course.
Secondly
, these
courses
 are more flexible in terms of time and location.
While
 on-campus
courses
 demand the physical presence of
students
, online materials can be accessed from any place.
This
 means that
individuals
 can enjoy the comfort of their bed
while
 listening to a lecture.
Moreover
, these classes can be easily taped and repeated
afterward
Change the spelling
afterwards
show examples
, enabling
students
 to access the material whenever they desire. On the other side of the scale, studying online has several detrimental effects on
individuals
' learning ability and mental health.
Firstly
, Using digital devices increases the propensity towards superficial studying.
This
 happens because the very moment that
students
 open their laptops or mobile phones, they are bombarded with pings and notifications. These distractions ultimately reduce one's attention span, motivating them to swap their deep-reading habits for skimming, which ultimately hinders their learning ability.
Moreover
, studying from screens can not replicate on-campus class interactions.
This
 method of learning deprives
students
 of cementing meaningful relationships with their peers and professors, without which one's mental health is endangered.
As a result
, the extended amount of isolation that
individuals
 spend on screens triggers depression and other mental issues. In conclusion, participating in
courses
 on the internet comes with its fair share of benefits and downturns, which I believe hold equal gravity.
Submitted by ghazalmoosavi79 on

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grammatical
Ensure consistency in subject-verb agreement. For instance, 'this phenomenon have' should be 'this phenomenon has.'
task achievement
Consider providing more varied examples or specifics to enrich your arguments.
task achievement
The essay clearly introduces the topic and provides a balanced view, adequately addressing both positive and negative aspects of online university courses.
coherence cohesion
Ideas are logically structured with clear topic sentences and supporting points. The flow between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion is smooth.
coherence cohesion
Use of cohesive devices like 'on the one hand' and 'on the other side of the scale' helps in presenting a balanced discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distance learning
  • Flexible schedule
  • Virtual classroom
  • Digital resources
  • E-learning platforms
  • Asynchronous learning
  • Synchronous learning
  • Cost-effective
  • Self-paced study
  • Technical difficulties
  • Blended learning
  • Online modules
  • Remote access
  • Student engagement
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