IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children letter in their life. What are the reason? Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #children #life #reason #outweigh
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Undoubtedly,
children
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 spread happiness everywhere. They need care, love, and patience. Some
people
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 prefer to have
children
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 at a later age. There are many positive aspects,
along with
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 a few negative ones, of having
children
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 later in life.
This
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 essay will delve into both viewpoints.
To begin
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 with, some
people
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 argue that having
children
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 at a later age is more suitable. There are several reasons for
this
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.
Firstly
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, individuals have more opportunities to establish themselves before taking on the responsibilities of parenting.
For instance
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, they can develop their skills and abilities, allowing them time to become more organized and financially stable.
Secondly
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, older
parents
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 may be more capable of giving their
children
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 the attention they need, as they tend to be more responsible and experienced.
Thirdly
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, young
people
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 may not always have the same patience and understanding as older adults, who can often better manage the demands of raising a child. In general, older
parents
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 are more responsible and can focus more on their
children
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’s needs, as they may have already achieved personal and career goals and have more time to devote to family life.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 prefer to have
children
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 earlier for several reasons. Younger
parents
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 often have more energy, which is helpful for raising active
children
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.
For example
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, young
parents
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 can engage more easily in physical activities with their kids, who require a lot of energy and attention.
Additionally
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, younger adults are generally healthier, which can make conception easier and reduce the risks of certain age-related complications. Older
parents
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 may face health challenges that can impact their
children
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, as the risk of certain conditions,
such
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 as hearing or vision impairments, can increase with parental age.
However
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, it’s
also
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 worth noting that many older
parents
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 have healthy
children
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, so
this
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 isn’t a guaranteed issue. In conclusion, raising
children
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 is a significant responsibility.
Children
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 need healthy, attentive, and caring
parents
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 who can guide them and help them become successful in the future. Personally, I prefer to have
children
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 earlier, as they bring joy and motivation to succeed. When
children
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 smile,
parents
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 feel rewarded and uplifted.
Although
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 raising kids requires a lot of time and energy, they truly are the happiness of a home.
This
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 version aims for smoother flow and enhanced clarity
while
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 preserving the key ideas of your original essay.
Submitted by mrym05411 on

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Task Response
To enhance your task response, provide more specific examples and data to support your reasons for having children at different ages. This will strengthen the arguments and make the essay more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your essay is generally coherent, consider using some transitional phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will help the reader follow your arguments more clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Consider using linkers such as "Moreover," "Additionally," or "In contrast," to better connect your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction is clear and sets the stage for the discussion, outlining both the positive and negative aspects of having children later in life.
Task Response
You provide balanced viewpoints, discussing both advantages and disadvantages, which demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Task Response
The conclusion effectively summarizes your personal stance, and provides a thoughtful ending to your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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