Young people are often influenced by their peers. Do the advantages of peer pressure outweigh the disadvantages?

It is quite common these days that the young are much influenced by
peer
pressure
.
This
essay will examine the benefits and drawbacks of
peer
pressure
and provide a logical conclusion.
Peer
pressure
can lead to healthy
competition
among youngsters and encourage them to push themselves to be better.
Firstly
, healthy
competition
among peers can motivate individuals to strive for excellence.
This
way, they can push themselves to achieve their full potential.
For example
, two
friends
, Alex and Ben are both on the school’s track team and they push each other to train harder and run faster.
This
friendly rivalry helps them both improve their skills.
Secondly
, young
people
have opportunities and environments to develop themselves better. In fact, if young
people
are surrounded by good
people
, they can learn from them
such
as trying anything new or discovering new ideas to help them overcome some difficult problems.
However
,
peer
pressure
also
has some major disadvantages like anxiety
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
depression and rivalries between
friends
. In fact, working or studying with better students can make young
people
uncomfortable.
For example
, when I study in a class with a lot of classmates who learn much better than me, I feel very pressured and ashamed. What’s more,
such
pressure
sometimes leads to unhealthy
competition
that turns
friends
into enemies. Young
people
, whose friendships are often fragile and easily broken, may find themselves feeling isolated and stressed
due to
intense
competition
with peers.
This
heightened vulnerability can make them more susceptible to the negative influences of
peer
pressure
, potentially leading to depression.
However
, if young
people
learn to manage their friendships and
competition
in a healthy way, they can avoid the negative effects of
peer
pressure
.
To conclude
,
although
peer
pressure
has certain disadvantages like
feel
Change the verb form
feeling
show examples
pressured and ashamed and conflicts between
friends
, it has an extremely positive impact on personal
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
show examples
and provides healthy
competitions
Fix the agreement mistake
competition
show examples
for teenagers. I believe that
those
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
benefits of
peer
pressure
exceed its drawbacks.
Submitted by Writing9 on

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relevant specific examples
Try to provide more varied examples and evidence for your points to strengthen your argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
Expand on some ideas to ensure depth and clarity. This might include elaborating on how peer pressure specifically leads to anxiety and depression.
logical structure
Consider adding topic sentences to each paragraph to clearly outline the main idea and maintain clear direction throughout.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a good introduction and conclusion, framing your argument well.
logical structure
The logical flow between paragraphs is strong, helping the reader follow your arguments smoothly.
complete response
You effectively balance both the advantages and disadvantages in your discussion, which contributes to a comprehensive response to the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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