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Writing Samples
Band 5

The arts, including art, music and theatre are considered to be important in society. Do you think the arts still have a place amongst our modern lifestyles? Should the arts be included in school programs?

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Expressive thoughts can be quite difficult as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can actually make
people
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 jittery and
scpetical
Correct your spelling
sceptical
.
However
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,
strengning
Correct your spelling
strengthening
stringing
stressing
 thinking through the
art
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 can actually empower anyone with enough confidence to reach
at
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
greater heights.
Such
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 that music and theatre,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
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 forms are not just significant in an artist's
life
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 but
also
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 to the audience, in past and at present
too
Rephrase
apply
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. I will discuss
this
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 in upcoming paragraphs alongside the significance of
inclusion
Add an article
the inclusion
show examples
 of
art
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 as a subject in schools. First of all,an
art
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 in any form can represent infinite ideas to various
people
Use synonyms
. Since artistic skills can actually make
people
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 think and imagine, imagine out of
box
Add an article
the box
show examples
 and be exceptional.
For Instance
Linking Words
, a
scenary
Correct your spelling
scene
 made by
artist
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the artist
an artist
show examples
 with one idea can actually
seems
Change the verb form
seem
show examples
 different to various
audiances
Correct your spelling
audiences
. That means creativity can be fostered through
art
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 and can actually give a moment to
people
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 in the occupied
life
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 to stop, think and relax.
Secondly
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, in everyday
Use synonyms
life
Add a comma
life,
show examples
people
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 are so busy that they are depressed and desolate.
Hence
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, they get therapies. Point to be noted,
therapiests
Correct your spelling
therapists
 recommend things
Linking Words
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 example, listening to music, dancing
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
Add an article
a favorite
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favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 song, drawing or painting to let emotions flow out.
Hence
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, it can be seen how pivotal is
art
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 in
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
show examples
 of
people
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 with modern
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, making distinct forms of
aristry
Correct your spelling
artistry
 as an important subject in studies can prove to
quite
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be quite
show examples
 helpful for pupils.
As
Correct word choice
Art
show examples
art
Use synonyms
 can be another language through which students can not only express but learn in
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 way. Take music,
art
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 through which pupils can learn social skills and can face a lot more
people
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 as their audience
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then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 getting afraid
from
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of
show examples
 a crowd.
Also
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,
art
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 in schools can be
way
Add an article
a way
the way
show examples
 of relaxation and entertainment in times of exams. Since a lot of students get
anxiety
Replace the word
anxious
show examples
 at times
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 tests,
art
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 can make them relax and calm.
Thus
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,
art
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 can be
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 important program for educational
institute
Fix the agreement mistake
institutes
show examples
.
To conclude
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, taking into consideration
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of skill in every form
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life
Change preposition
of life
show examples
, it can be used in various ways.
Such
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that
Change preposition
as
show examples
 when
people
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 actually need something to deal with stress and depression.
Nevertheless
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, artistry can play
pivotal
Add an article
a pivotal
show examples
 role in human
life
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.

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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your paragraphs for a clearer logical flow. This could involve using more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Try to provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points, which can enhance the clarity and strength of your argument.
language accuracy
Pay attention to minor spelling and grammatical errors such as 'ausiences' instead of 'audiences' and 'stregethen' instead of 'strengthen'.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion both clearly state your position on the topic, providing a strong framework for your essay.
task achievement
You have addressed all parts of the task by discussing the current relevance of the arts and their role in school curriculums, which shows a good task response.
task achievement
Some of your ideas are clearly expressed and supported with reasoning, which helps in making a compelling point.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Creativity
  • Critical thinking
  • Emotional literacy
  • Social skills
  • Cultural awareness
  • Appreciation
  • Inclusive
  • Therapeutic benefits
  • Stress relief
  • Economic benefits
  • Cultural economy
  • Creative fields
  • Modern lifestyles
  • School curricula
  • Cultural appreciation
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