The arts, including art, music and theatre are considered to be important in society. Do you think the arts still have a place amongst our modern lifestyles? Should the arts be included in school programs?
Expressive thoughts can be quite difficult as
it
can actually make Correct pronoun usage
they
people
jittery and scpetical
. Correct your spelling
sceptical
However
, strengning
thinking through the Correct your spelling
strengthening
stringing
stressing
art
can actually empower anyone with enough confidence to reach at
greater heights. Remove the preposition
apply
Such
that music and theatre, the
Correct article usage
apply
art
forms are not just significant in an artist's life
but also
to the audience, in past and at present too
. I will discuss Rephrase
apply
this
in upcoming paragraphs alongside the significance of inclusion
of Add an article
the inclusion
art
as a subject in schools.
First of all,an art
in any form can represent infinite ideas to various people
. Since artistic skills can actually make people
think and imagine, imagine out of box
and be exceptional. Add an article
the box
For Instance
, a scenary
made by Correct your spelling
scene
artist
with one idea can actually Add an article
the artist
an artist
seems
different to various Change the verb form
seem
audiances
. That means creativity can be fostered through Correct your spelling
audiences
art
and can actually give a moment to people
in the occupied life
to stop, think and relax. Secondly
, in everyday life
Add a comma
life,
people
are so busy that they are depressed and desolate. Hence
, they get therapies. Point to be noted, therapiests
recommend things Correct your spelling
therapists
for
example, listening to music, dancing Add the comma(s)
, for
on
Change preposition
to
Add an article
a favorite
favorite
song, drawing or painting to let emotions flow out. Change the spelling
favourite
Hence
, it can be seen how pivotal is art
in lives
of Correct article usage
the lives
people
with modern lifestyle
.
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
Therefore
, making distinct forms of aristry
as an important subject in studies can prove to Correct your spelling
artistry
quite
helpful for pupils. Add a missing verb
be quite
As
Correct word choice
Art
art
can be another language through which students can not only express but learn in better
way. Take music, Add an article
a better
art
through which pupils can learn social skills and can face a lot more people
as their audience then
getting afraid Replace the word
than
from
a crowd. Change preposition
of
Also
, art
in schools can be way
of relaxation and entertainment in times of exams. Since a lot of students get Add an article
a way
the way
anxiety
at times Replace the word
anxious
of
tests, Change preposition
with
art
can make them relax and calm. Thus
, art
can be a
important program for educational Change the article
an
institute
.
Fix the agreement mistake
institutes
To conclude
, taking into consideration benefits
of skill in every form Correct article usage
the benefits
life
, it can be used in various ways. Change preposition
of life
Such
that
when Change preposition
as
people
actually need something to deal with stress and depression. Nevertheless
, artistry can play pivotal
role in human Add an article
a pivotal
life
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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your paragraphs for a clearer logical flow. This could involve using more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Try to provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points, which can enhance the clarity and strength of your argument.
language accuracy
Pay attention to minor spelling and grammatical errors such as 'ausiences' instead of 'audiences' and 'stregethen' instead of 'strengthen'.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion both clearly state your position on the topic, providing a strong framework for your essay.
task achievement
You have addressed all parts of the task by discussing the current relevance of the arts and their role in school curriculums, which shows a good task response.
task achievement
Some of your ideas are clearly expressed and supported with reasoning, which helps in making a compelling point.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example