task 1. The graph sows participation of australian children in sports outside school hours in 2014

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The bar graph illustrates the percentage of Australian
boys
and
girls
participating in
sports
outside school hours in 2014, encompassing swimming,
football
, netball, basketball, and no
sports
. Notably,
girls
outperformed
boys
in most
sports
, except
football
and basketball. Significantly,
football
and netball emerged as the favourite
sports
among
boys
and
girls
, respectively.
According to
the graph, 15% of young females engaged in swimming, surpassing their male counterparts at 13%. In stark contrast,
football
garnered 20% participation from
boys
,
whereas
girls
' participation was marginally below 5%.
Conversely
, netball attracted approximately 17% of young women,
while
fewer than 5% of young men participated. Basketball saw relatively equal participation, with 7% of
girls
and 8% of
boys
.
Furthermore
, 5% of
girls
and 4% of
boys
opted out of participating in any
sports
.
Submitted by drnivyamohan1992 on

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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses all aspects of the task, clearly presenting the participation trends of boys and girls in different sports. However, you might consider elaborating slightly more on the data trends or patterns you observe, such as potential reasons for the popularity or lack of popularity for certain sports.
coherence cohesion
The coherence and cohesion of your essay are strong, with a logical structure and effective use of linking words. Ensure that each paragraph smoothly connects to the next to maintain the flow of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction and detailed observations on each sport.
task achievement
You have accurately described the data with relevant specific examples, making your task response effective.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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