IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that the main aim of advertising is to improve sales of products that people do not really need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some believe that the primary focus of advertisements is to increase the sale rate of unnecessary
goods
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.
This
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 essay disagrees with
this
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 statement and will explain that companies mainly advertise their fabrications because of the competitive atmosphere of business and to inform the public about the latest
products
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. Business competition is the foremost reason for
companies
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companies'
company's
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 potential willingness to publicize their
goods
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. To explain more
about
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apply
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, in the contemporary world, the number of organizations that have the same outcome fabrications is rising every day.
Therefore
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,
it is clear that
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 the more advertising an organization increases, the more sales and success they can expect. A recent survey in Iran,
for instance
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, shows that people are prone to purchase dairy
products
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 that they have advertised on TV. Another effective factor is that advertising is the best way to introduce new
products
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. New
goods
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 usually offer something more attractive or more useful to us, but if customers are not aware of them, they may never have tried them.
Conversely
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, if audiences
became
Wrong verb form
become
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 familiar with more optional
products
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, they may become willing to buy and use them. It is shown in a new study
that is
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 published in a business journal,
for example
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, that the sale rate of new fabrications that are introduced to the public through advertising is far higher than that of ones that are not. In conclusion, there are various reasons more important than selling more unnecessary
goods
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. Publicizing the latest
products
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 or being successful
to sell
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in selling
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 more than
competitors
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competitors'
competitor's
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 enterprises are two factors that make advertising more profitable.

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task response
Ensure the introduction presents a clear overview of your stance. Consider rephrasing 'increase the sale rate of unnecessary goods' for a clearer expression of the idea.
coherence and cohesion
Some of the word choices and phrases could be improved. Instead of 'the number of organizations that have the same outcome fabrications,' consider rephrasing as 'the number of companies offering similar products.'
task response
Conclude with a rephrased summary to avoid repetition. This helps in reinforcing the argument effectively.
task response
The essay successfully presents two main points to counter the given statement, outlining competitive business environment and introduction of new products as primary reasons for advertising.
coherence and cohesion
Clear and logical progression of ideas from introduction to conclusion, showcasing a coherent structure.
task response
Good use of real-world examples, such as surveys and studies, to support arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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