As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement؟

#mass #communication #transport #societies #phenomenon #globalization #people #fear #loss #identity #statement؟

Advance

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Advanced

show examples

technology and transport

leading

Wrong verb form

have led to

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a revolution of societies, these

phenomenon

Change the determiner

phenomena

show examples

call

Wrong verb form

are called

show examples

gobalization

Correct your spelling

globalization

. Someone worried

about

Change preposition

that

show examples

this

change may

leading

Change the verb form

lead

be leading

show examples

disapper

Correct your spelling

disappear

of the cultural identity, but in my

Correct your spelling

perception

perceptipn

Add a comma

perceptipn,

show examples

the terrible situation would not

accur

Correct your spelling

occur

Firstly

globalization

can be a useful tool to

spread

local

cultrual

Correct your spelling

culture

and enhance the importance of citizens belonging. Well organized

Change preposition

apply

show examples

tansportation

Correct your spelling

transportation

reduce

Correct subject-verb agreement

reduces

show examples

the

commuty

Correct your spelling

community

commute

time and

boundary

Fix the agreement mistake

boundaries

show examples

between countries and

city

Fix the agreement mistake

cities

show examples

, which allow

people

can travel anytime and anywhere.

Also

Add a comma

Also,

show examples

increse

Correct your spelling

increase

the

accesibility

Correct your spelling

accessibility

of culture osmosis.

This

indicated that if more visitors come

form

Correct your spelling

from

show examples

different countries, there will more

chance

Fix the agreement mistake

chances

show examples

indroduce

Correct your spelling

introduce

local culture to them.

Then

, local culture can be

spread

more universally.

Additionaly

Correct your spelling

Additionally

, if

cultral

Correct your spelling

culture

spread

Wrong verb form

spreads

show examples

widely, local

people

will

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

realize their own

culltural

Correct your spelling

cultural

culture

, and

development

Replace the word

develop

show examples

self-belonging and

honner

Correct your spelling

honour

to the original

cultrual

Correct your spelling

culture

Secondly

globalization

allow

Change the verb form

allows

show examples

local

cultrual

Correct your spelling

culture to

combine with

forign cultrual

Correct your spelling

foreign culture

, which

remain

Correct subject-verb agreement

remains

show examples

the original

cultrual

Correct your spelling

culture

and

make

Correct subject-verb agreement

makes

show examples

best

Correct word choice

better

show examples

than before.

Globalization

increased the osmosis of

cultural

Replace the word

culture

show examples

also

leading

Change preposition

to a

show examples

magnificent

combine

Replace the word

combination

show examples

between

Change preposition

show examples

westom

Change the capitalization

Westom

show examples

and

eastom

Change the capitalization

Eastom

show examples

cultrual

Correct your spelling

cultures

. For

intsants

Correct your spelling

instance

instants

, there are many international chain

resterauant bring

Verb problem

restaurants that have

show examples

a positive impact

Change preposition

show examples

local

people

. As Mc'donal in HongKong to

illustrate

Wrong verb form

illustrates

show examples

, Mc'donal will create the product initiated by a

widely

Replace the word

wide

show examples

reasearch

Correct your spelling

research

researched

form

Correct your spelling

from

show examples

the local food

cultrual

Correct your spelling

culture

, and

citizen's

Fix the agreement mistake

citizens'

show examples

eating habits.

Then

they will conduct a suitable product, which is a

hanburger

Correct your spelling

hamburger

contain

Wrong verb form

containing

show examples

the local food

cultrual

Correct your spelling

culture

catering

Wrong verb form

cater

show examples

the local

people

's flavour, and bring the food become more

convinient

Correct your spelling

convenient

and better. In conclusion,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

globalization

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

not make

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

cultrual

Correct your spelling

cultural

identification disappear, but it will bring

benitifit

Correct your spelling

benefit

spread

Wrong verb form

spreading

show examples

the local

cultrual

Correct your spelling

culture

and

revolusion

Correct your spelling

revolution

revulsion

to local

cultrual

Correct your spelling

culture

Submitted by huangjiali617 on Sun Nov 03 2024

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task response

The essay should clearly state whether you agree or disagree with the statement and this stance should be evident throughout the essay. Consider clearly outlining your position in the introduction and supporting it consistently throughout the essay.

coherence cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, work on creating clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your arguments. Consider using linking words or phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs better.

task response

Try to organize your main points more logically and provide clearer explanations to support them. Each main point should be backed by specific examples and explanations to help illustrate your argument.

task response

The essay presents a relevant topic with an attempt to address the given task of discussing globalization and cultural identity.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion attempts to summarize the main points of the essay and offers a final viewpoint, which helps in closing the argument properly.

task achievement

There is a good attempt to use examples such as the case of McDonald's in Hong Kong to illustrate points about globalization and cultural integration.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
69Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

265 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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