Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities.Others, however, say that this would have little affect on public health and other measure are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
1) physical activity and better
in
longevity and muscles being active
2) cardiovascular decrease
1) Change preposition
apply
health
care
2) fast food and
There is an ongoing debate over how to develop public health
. Many individuals claim that increasing the number of sports
amenities might improve the population's health
, while
I believe that it is a less effective method to develop healthcare and other solutions needed.
On the one hand, sport is crucial to keep healthy and it improve
Change the verb form
improves
a
physical activity, which leads to Correct article usage
apply
better
body. Add an article
a better
According to
the
Correct article usage
apply
doctors
and sportsmen, individuals, who are engaged in the sport as a part of their daily lives, tend to have a
better longevity. If individuals Remove the article
apply
involve
in Change the form of the verb
involved
sports
, this
tendency has a
inevitable Change the article
an
influnce
on public Correct your spelling
influence
health
. Additionally
, the main way to prevent cardiovascular dieases
is by doing Correct your spelling
diseases
sports
. For example
, people have a preference to go for a sport in Finland, which contributes to a decline on
the heart Change preposition
in
diease
by Correct your spelling
diseases
the
Correct article usage
apply
improcing
Correct your spelling
improving
the
public Correct article usage
apply
health
.
On the other hand
, a lack of awereness
of people and a a shortage of healthcare professionals is the most important in order to develop the country's Correct your spelling
awareness
healtcare
system. Correct your spelling
healthcare
In other words
, authorities should diverte
the Correct your spelling
divert
diverse
more
budget from Correct quantifier usage
apply
sports
facilities to the
certain problems. If Correct article usage
apply
the
society does not Correct article usage
apply
any
information about the cure or prevent themselves from the ill, it does not matter Add a missing verb
have any
they
engage in Correct word choice
if they
the
Correct article usage
apply
sports
. Thay
is why, authorities have to improve Correct your spelling
That
the
public Correct article usage
apply
awerness
about the Correct your spelling
awareness
preventation
Correct your spelling
prevention
presentation
from
the virus. Change preposition
of
Morever
, a lack of Correct your spelling
Moreover
the
literate Correct article usage
apply
doctors
is a
obstacle to improving the healthcare system. Change the article
an
For example
, there are
Change the verb form
is
the
vast number of Correct article usage
a
the
Correct article usage
apply
doctors
in Turkey; as a result
, it
effect on the better Change the pronoun
its
society
Change noun form
society's
health
.
In conclusion, although
doing sports
ensure
Correct subject-verb agreement
ensures
the
our muscular system in order to keep healthier, I am Remove the article
apply
the
opinion that other measures, including, Change preposition
of the
the increase
Replace the word
increasing
the
public Correct article usage
apply
awereness
about Correct your spelling
awareness
the
certain Correct article usage
apply
sickness
and the number of Fix the agreement mistake
sicknesses
doctors
, are a
more significant in order to improve Change the article
apply
the
public Correct article usage
apply
health
.Submitted by ilkin.abdullaev04 on
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task achievement
Work on providing a more balanced argument for each viewpoint, including equal development of points for and against the argument about sports facilities.
coherence cohesion
Aim to reduce language inaccuracies by refining grammar and vocabulary.
task achievement
Ensure your examples are detailed and specific enough to illustrate your points clearly.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which structure your argument effectively.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both viewpoints regarding the impact of sports facilities on public health.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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