Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities.Others, however, say that this would have little affect on public health and other measure are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

1) physical activity and better
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
longevity and muscles being active 2) cardiovascular decrease 1)
health
care 2) fast food and There is an ongoing debate over how to develop public
health
. Many individuals claim that increasing the number of
sports
amenities might improve the population's
health
,
while
I believe that it is a less effective method to develop healthcare and other solutions needed. On the one hand, sport is crucial to keep healthy and it
improve
Change the verb form
improves
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical activity, which leads to
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
body.
According to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
doctors
and sportsmen, individuals, who are engaged in the sport as a part of their daily lives, tend to have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
better longevity. If individuals
involve
Change the form of the verb
involved
show examples
in
sports
,
this
tendency has
a
Change the article
an
show examples
inevitable
influnce
Correct your spelling
influence
on public
health
.
Additionally
, the main way to prevent cardiovascular
dieases
Correct your spelling
diseases
is by doing
sports
.
For example
, people have a preference to go for a sport in Finland, which contributes to a decline
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the heart
diease
Correct your spelling
diseases
by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
improcing
Correct your spelling
improving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
health
.
On the other hand
, a lack of
awereness
Correct your spelling
awareness
of people and a a shortage of healthcare professionals is the most important in order to develop the country's
healtcare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
system.
In other words
, authorities should
diverte
Correct your spelling
divert
diverse
the
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
budget from
sports
facilities to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
certain problems. If
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society does not
any
Add a missing verb
have any
show examples
information about the cure or prevent themselves from the ill, it does not matter
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
engage in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports
.
Thay
Correct your spelling
That
show examples
is why, authorities have to improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
awerness
Correct your spelling
awareness
about the
preventation
Correct your spelling
prevention
presentation
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
the virus.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, a lack of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
literate
doctors
is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
obstacle to improving the healthcare system.
For example
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
vast number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
doctors
in Turkey;
as a result
,
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
effect on the better
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
health
. In conclusion,
although
doing
sports
ensure
Correct subject-verb agreement
ensures
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
our muscular system in order to keep healthier, I am
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
opinion that other measures, including,
the increase
Replace the word
increasing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
awereness
Correct your spelling
awareness
about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
certain
sickness
Fix the agreement mistake
sicknesses
show examples
and the number of
doctors
, are
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
more significant in order to improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
health
.
Submitted by ilkin.abdullaev04 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Work on providing a more balanced argument for each viewpoint, including equal development of points for and against the argument about sports facilities.
coherence cohesion
Aim to reduce language inaccuracies by refining grammar and vocabulary.
task achievement
Ensure your examples are detailed and specific enough to illustrate your points clearly.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which structure your argument effectively.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both viewpoints regarding the impact of sports facilities on public health.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • physical activities
  • fitness
  • obesity rates
  • sports centers
  • mental well-being
  • motivation
  • education
  • public health campaigns
  • nutritional education
  • preventative healthcare
  • health screenings
  • long-term health outcomes
  • lifestyle changes
  • stress management
  • smoking cessation
  • alcohol consumption
  • comprehensive public health improvement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: