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Writing Samples
Band 5

Demand for food is increasing worldwide. What are the causes of this? What measures can be international community take to make sure the supply of food is enough?

#demand #food #measures #community
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Over the
last
Linking Words
 few decades, demand for
food
Use synonyms
 has increased year after year, what problems does
this
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causes
Change the verb form
cause
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? what can be done to deal with
this
Linking Words
 situation?
Firstly
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, buying lots of
food
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 from
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
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 or shops more than what each family exactly needs may be one cause for
this
Linking Words
issue
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. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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other words,
while
Linking Words
 there are many poverty nations who do not have enough
food
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 to eat, there are around 75 %
families
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of families
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 who consume and cook more than their needs which is
due to
Linking Words
 throw it.
Secondly
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, the
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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population jumped dramatically
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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last
Linking Words
 4 years. To clarify, the consumption of vegetables, fruits, and meat grows
up
Change preposition
apply
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automatically when the number of people rises. A prime example, in the COVID-19 period, it is noted that the number of new babies increased
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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due to
Linking Words
 the need for more
food
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 than before. There are two effective solutions to the problem of demanding
for
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apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 in a terrible way. One way to tackle
this
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 is for people to advise them to buy only what they really need
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and explain to them the problems which may happen
as a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
issue
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. The other one is for
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 to try to get other ways of providing foods
such
Linking Words
 as plant vegetables and fruits in a very wide era. In conclusion, advising people and trying to provide other ways to get
food
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 is effective in dealing with
this
Linking Words
issue
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. If individuals apply these solutions, obesity will no longer be demanding
food
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 an
issue
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.
Submitted by hasnaalbrashdi on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of your essay by organizing ideas more clearly and ensuring that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one. You might consider using clear linking words and phrases to achieve this.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and data to strengthen your arguments. This helps not only in supporting your claims but also in illustrating your points more vividly.
structure
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, a body, and a conclusion. This helps in guiding the reader through your arguments efficiently.
task completion
You have addressed the task by discussing both the causes and the potential measures regarding the issue of increased food demand. This shows a comprehensive understanding of the task requirements.
examples
Efforts have been made to provide examples, such as referencing the increase in population during COVID-19, which helps to contextualize the discussion.
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