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Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people are eating healthy food and exercise regularly. What are the reasons for that? What can we do to make other people do the same?

#people #food #exercise
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In
this
Linking Words
 modern world,
people
Use synonyms
 are encouraging themselves to do more physical activities and eat healthy
food
Use synonyms
instead
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 of eating junk
food
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 because they do not want to make their bodies
a
Correct article usage
apply
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couch
potato
Fix the agreement mistake
potatoes
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
Fix the agreement mistake
paragraph
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paragraphs
Add a comma
paragraphs,
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 I will discuss my
view points
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
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 related to
this
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. To commence with, there are many reasons
that
Correct word choice
apply
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why
people
Use synonyms
 choose to eat healthy
food
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 and do regular
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
.
Firstly
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, not only it
makes
Wrong verb form
make
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 their body fit and fine but
also
Linking Words
 it helps them to get rid of diseases and not to intake
medicines
Use synonyms
. To illustrate,
by
Change preposition
apply
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doing regular
Use synonyms
exercise
Change the noun form
exercises
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 like yoga or
strecthing
Correct your spelling
stretching
 helps them to keep their mind fresh all the time and feel confident
as well as
Linking Words
 motivated all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
day. Resultantly, do not feel tired and free from the daily
medicines
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. To exemplify,
according to
Linking Words
 the research of the World Health Organisation seventy
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
people
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 are encouraging them to go for a walk and eat
helthy
Correct your spelling
healthy
food
Use synonyms
 which is beneficial for them.
Besides
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this
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, there are many different ways for those
people
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 who do not cheer their body to do
exercise
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. To justify, find them their workout buddies so it will be easy for them to enjoy
their
Change the word
the
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
 in which they are comfortable.
Moreover
Linking Words
, motivation is
also
Linking Words
 the major key that helps them to do physical activities because they do
no
Correct your spelling
not
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 get time as they are busy
in
Change preposition
with
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 their work life and
forgot
Wrong verb form
forget
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 about their health.
For example
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, my friend is a Chartered Accountant and she is always busy
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 her work and
forgot
Wrong verb form
forgets
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 to eat and never
go
Correct subject-verb agreement
goes
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 for a walk
as a result
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,
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
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 fatty and
intake
Correct your spelling
takes
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 stress
medicines
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
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, there are many reasons
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
why
people
Use synonyms
 do daily
exercise
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 and eat
helthy
Correct your spelling
healthy
food
Use synonyms
 because they want to be physically fit and not to intake
medicines
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
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, we can motivate
people
Use synonyms
 and find out workout buddies who do not do physical
exercise
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by yuvrajsinghsaggu200703 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to provide more clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Some ideas could be developed a bit more to ensure clarity and avoid redundancy.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task effectively and provides relevant reasons and solutions for healthy eating and regular exercise.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and help frame the essay well.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples to support main points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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