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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Below is a map of the city of Brandfield. City planners have decided to build a new shopping mall for the area, and two sites, S1 and S2 have been proposed. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. 2

Below is a map of the city of Brandfield. City planners have decided to build a new shopping mall for the area, and two sites, S1 and S2 have been proposed. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. 2
#city #brandfield #planners #mall #area #two #sites #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The map below provides us with
a key information
Remove the article
key information
a piece of key information
show examples
 about two sites for building a new shopping mall.
Overall
, it's clear from the map that S1 is the
nothern
Correct your spelling
northern
 part of the
city
 and S2
Add a missing verb
is
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located in the
sothern
Correct your spelling
southern
 part of the
city
.
In addition
, S1 is
near
Add an article
the near
show examples
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
center
Change the spelling
centre
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 where the shops,
schools
Correct word choice
and schools
show examples
 are located which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 it easily accessible for residents
also
 there is a large park which will attract
famileis
Correct your spelling
families
 and students,
where
Correct word choice
whereas
show examples
 S2 is near the industrial
estateand
Correct your spelling
estate and
 the
railwayi
Correct your spelling
railway
railways
 station
also
 it's near the large supermarkets and several office building which could attract workers and shoppers.
According to
 what
shown
Add a missing verb
is shown
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 S1 is accessible by road
while
 S2 is accessible to the railway station.There is
targeted
Correct article usage
a targeted
show examples
audiance
Correct your spelling
audience
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 each of the sites as S1 will be for families and students
whereas
 S2 will be for workers. In terms of S1will raise the impact
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
Correct article usage
the enviroment
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enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
,
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
 S2 with the
industial
Correct your spelling
industrial
 surroundings might be less sensitive.Both sites have
advanteges
Correct your spelling
advantages
 and potential drawbacks and the final decision will depend on the priority of each
city
 planner and the needs of the community.
Submitted by alyacoub.bayan92 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words city with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "map" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proximity
  • residential area
  • industrial zone
  • city center
  • main road
  • benefits
  • convenience
  • traffic congestion
  • accessibility
  • workers
  • compare
  • differences
  • pros and cons
  • suitable
  • analysis
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