IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Others believe that they should start school at least 7 years old. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Write at least 250 words.

#people #children #education #age #school #years
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Some individuals advocate for initiating
children
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’s formal education at a tender
age
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,
while
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 others assert that
school
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 should commence no earlier than the
age
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 of seven. From my
perspective
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perspective,
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 I firmly agree with the latter
points
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point
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 of view.
This
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 essay will elaborate on these two mentioned judgments,
along with
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 the rationale behind the answer. Even though starting
school
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 at a young
age
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 can bring some advantages,
this
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 phenomenon is often considered to be
Correct article usage
a disadvantages
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disadvantages
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disadvantage
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due to
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 various reasons. In terms of cognitive,
children
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 at an early stage don’t have
a
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apply
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comprehensive development
about
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apply
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it
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apply
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, which can make them have numerous difficulties in dealing with
the
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an
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 alien environment.
Furthermore
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, making
children
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 step out of their comfort zone may pose a grave threat to their mental health. Because, at
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school
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school,
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 they may face
up to
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apply
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a variety of pressures , ranging from academic results to peers, or being bullied,... that
children
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 should have not experienced at
such
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 a young
age
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.
On the other hand
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, making
children
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 attend
school
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 beyond the
age
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 of seven will be more practical and ethical. Because, at
this
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age
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, their cognitive ability has developed at a certain level which can help them have enough confidence and ability to face
with
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apply
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a strange and new surrounding without their parents’
back up
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backup
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.
Besides
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, 7 years old is an appropriate time for
children
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 to start a new journey, since they will be extremely active at
this
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 stage, their infinite curiosity about the world will drive them to acquire new knowledge effectively without being overwhelmed. In conclusion, there will be various potential risks if
children
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 are sent to
school
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 at a tender
age
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;
therefore
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, I concur with the notion
that
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of
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 allowing
children
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 to access formal education when they are older than seven years.
instead
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 of at a minor
age
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. Because, the older they get, the better they handle the
school
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.
Submitted by elsenglish16992 on

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relevant specific examples
Try to provide specific examples or scenarios to strengthen your arguments. This will enhance the persuasiveness and depth of your essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure that all ideas presented in the essay are clearly linked to the central thesis statement. Although the main points are generally clear, reinforcing their connection will improve clarity.
introduction conclusion present
While your conclusion is well-written, summarizing the key points discussed in the body more explicitly could reinforce the essay's unity and keep the reader focused on your main arguments.
introduction conclusion present
You have successfully introduced the topic and context, setting up your argument effectively. This helps in establishing a clear direction for your essay.
logical structure
The essay maintains a logical structure and flow with effective transitions between ideas and paragraphs, which aids in comprehension.
complete response
You have clearly addressed both sides of the argument and presented your stance, enabling a balanced discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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