It is often clamied that women have achieved greater freedom and have access to the same oppurtunities as men.The pie charts below show some employment patterns in Korea.

#women #freedom #access #oppurtunities #men #show #employment #patterns #korea

The two pie charts illustrate the proportion of current job positions in Korea comparing males and females.

Overall

,it can be seen that the majority of males are employed as managerial and professional

whereas

,females have the most job positions as other manual.

To begin

with,looking at the first pie chart,

Other

Change the wording

Another

show examples

manual is the most popular occupation among female employees followed closely by clerical and related which are 32% and 30% respectively.Other non-manual taking part as 11%

whereas

,The proportion of managerial and professional doubled to 22%.The others are less than 5% which are craft or similar and general labourers.

However

,The percentage of male employees shows a different pattern.Males are more capable of being managerial and professional which is more than females by 16%.Other

manual

Fix the agreement mistake

manuals

show examples

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

also

popular being the second most applied career,occupying 28%.Followed closely by craft or similar which is 21%.The other jobs are less than 10% which are other non-manual and clerical and related ,and

lastly

, general labourers

Change the verb form

are

show examples

the lowest among both two groups.

Submitted by chawanat.pla on Mon Nov 04 2024

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.

Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.

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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

165 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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It is often clamied that women have achieved greater freedom and have access to the same oppurtunities as men.The pie charts below show some employment patterns in Korea.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Some scientists think that there are intelligent life forms on other planets and messages should be sent to contact them. Other scientists think it is a bad idea and would be dangerous. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Spending money on railways rather than roads is more reasonable for government. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that boys and girls should attend school together. Others feel that they should be educated separately. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+