some people say that music is a good way to bringing people of different cultures and ages together. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion
Some individuals argue that
music
can be considered as an accurate way to gather people
from different cultures
and ages together. I strongly agree with this
view which will be discussed.
Firstly
, music
can provide significant benefits for both people
and societies leading to gathering people
from various cultures
and ages. Music
can be considered as a mixed international language, associated with different cultural interests. A good illustration of this
is pop, a kind of international music
, which is extremely popular among people
, especially the younger generation. Without debt, anywhere the younger people
are living, they might be interested in this
trend.soAdd the comma(s)
, As a result,
As a result
music
can play a vital role among the younger generation interested all around the world.
On the other hand
, even though for various reasons, people
from different languages and cultures
gather together they might find no common ways to communicate with each other. in these situations, music
can play a significant role in assisting people
to keep in touch. For instance
, people
from different nations who attended a gala celebration can create a resplendent time through
dancing toward playing Change preposition
by
music
. Therefore
, listening to and playing music
can dramatically contribute to overall
happiness and fun whenever people
, from variety
of different Add an article
a variety
cultures
and nations, gather together.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that music
can play a crucial role in societies and people
's gathering
and relationships. Playing or listening to various Fix the agreement mistake
gatherings
music
not only brings a sense of happiness for those who gather together from different internationally, but also
can contribute to create
strong communication through different ages.Change the verb form
creating
Submitted by eskandari.mahanz66 on
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coherence cohesion
Try to refine some sentences for clarity. For instance, in the second paragraph, the phrase 'Without debt, anywhere the younger people are living, they might be interested in this trend.so As a result music can play a vital role among the younger generation interested all around the world.' could be more straightforward.
task achievement
Work on developing your supporting points more fully with specific details or examples to strengthen your argument. For example, you could mention specific international music events that bring different cultures together.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that outline and summarize your stance respectively, providing a nice framework for the discussion.
task achievement
You effectively express the idea that music is an international language which supports the connectivity among diverse groups.