some people say that music is a good way to bringing people of different cultures and ages together. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

#people #music #cultures #ages

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Some individuals argue that

music

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can be considered as an accurate way to gather

people

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from different

cultures

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and ages together. I strongly agree with

this

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view which will be discussed.

Firstly

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music

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can provide significant benefits for both

people

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and societies leading to gathering

people

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from various

cultures

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and ages.

Music

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can be considered as a mixed international language, associated with different cultural interests. A good illustration of

this

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is pop, a kind of international

music

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, which is extremely popular among

people

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, especially the younger generation. Without debt, anywhere the younger

people

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are living, they might be interested in

this

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trend.so

Add the comma(s)

, As a result,

show examples

As a result

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music

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can play a vital role among the younger generation interested all around the world.

On the other hand

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, even though for various reasons,

people

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from different languages and

cultures

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gather together they might find no common ways to communicate with each other. in these situations,

music

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can play a significant role in assisting

people

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to keep in touch.

For instance

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people

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from different nations who attended a gala celebration can create a resplendent time

through

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show examples

dancing toward playing

music

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Therefore

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, listening to and playing

music

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can dramatically contribute to

overall

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happiness and fun whenever

people

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, from

variety

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a variety

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of different

cultures

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and nations, gather together. In conclusion, I strongly believe that

music

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can play a crucial role in societies and

people

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gathering

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gatherings

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and relationships. Playing or listening to various

music

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not only brings a sense of happiness for those who gather together from different internationally, but

also

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can contribute to

create

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creating

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strong communication through different ages.

Submitted by mahanz on Mon Nov 04 2024

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coherence cohesion

Try to refine some sentences for clarity. For instance, in the second paragraph, the phrase 'Without debt, anywhere the younger people are living, they might be interested in this trend.so As a result music can play a vital role among the younger generation interested all around the world.' could be more straightforward.

task achievement

Work on developing your supporting points more fully with specific details or examples to strengthen your argument. For example, you could mention specific international music events that bring different cultures together.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that outline and summarize your stance respectively, providing a nice framework for the discussion.

task achievement

You effectively express the idea that music is an international language which supports the connectivity among diverse groups.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

261 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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some people say that music is a good way to bringing people of different cultures and ages together. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

The population of most cities is growing as people move cities to find work and new opportunities. What problems does overpopulation in cities cause ? How can these problems be solved?

In many countries, very few young people read newspapers or follow the news on TV. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

some people say that school should reward students who show the best academic results, while other believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It has been suggested that cars and public transport should be banned from city centers and only bicycles be allowed instead.A To what extent do you agree or disagree?

To what extent has the internet made life convenient?