IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Write about the following topic: Should long-term job seekers in receipt of government benefits be made to do voluntary work so that they give something back to the community? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #job #seekers #receipt #government #work #community
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Some
people
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 have the opinion that long-term
job
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seekers
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 get advantages financially from
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
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 should do some voluntary
job
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 so both
job
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seekers
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 and
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 can
give
Verb problem
apply
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mutually benefit
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each other. In my opinion ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion.
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 believe that nothing is free in
this
Linking Words
 world. if you get something you must give some in advance. No exception in
this
Linking Words
 case.
government
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 gives some
job
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seekers
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 a financial benefit that helps them live so in advance they must take some real action to give benefit to
communities
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. Why do
this
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 to
communities
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 , Yes because the source of
government
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 finances comes from
people
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's taxes. What kind of work can be done by them ? maybe some social activities that become the main problem in many
communities
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such
Linking Words
 as waste management , tree maintenance and safety campaigns about drugs. As we all know , waste become a problem in many places.
People
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 still throw their waste
not
Rephrase
apply
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in its place. Trees always grow naturally and if we do not pay attention to them, it will become a problem it growth to bigger and higher ,
although
Linking Words
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
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 has
special
Add an article
a special
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 division to take care of it
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
general
Add an article
the general
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 public role is important too. Drugs are something dangerous for all
people
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 at any level. We must move together and not stop campaigning about how dangerous it is. Once
people
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 use drugs their lives and futures can become disastrous.
That is
Linking Words
 all of my opinions that either
job
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seekers
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 or
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government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 have their own responsibilities to give something beneficial to
communities
Use synonyms
 to make a better place and a better world.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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introduction conclusion present
Start with a more engaging introduction to draw in the reader and provide a clear thesis statement.
logical structure
Organize the essay into more distinct paragraphs, making each main point stand out clearly.
relevant specific examples
Consider elaborating on the examples provided, offering more specific details.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure that the ideas are stated clearly and expanded upon, avoiding overly simplistic explanations.
supported main points
Reinforce the connection between voluntary work and community benefits with additional logical reasoning.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion on the issue and supports it logically.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples that connect with the topic.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion is aligned with the main ideas expressed in the essay, summarizing effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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