IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Nowadays famous people are photographed by professional photographers everywhere they go. Some people say this is a good thing because the public are interested in their lives. Other people think that photographers are wrong to follow famous people.

#people #photographers #lives
These days the issue of whether expert photographers have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to follow celebrities in order to take
portrates
Correct your spelling
portraits
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 has sparked considerable debate.
While
 some individuals think that it is
benefitial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for society, others contend that it should be banned because several reasons. I agree with
latter
Add an article
the latter
show examples
 group and provide my reason in
this
 essay. On the one hand, a part of
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
argue
Change the verb form
argues
show examples
 that taking photos of famous
people
 has some advantages for society. Entertainment,
for
example
, is the reason for their
believe
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belief
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.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 these photos can be used in celebrity news or articles in magazines. A lot of
peaple
Correct your spelling
people
 read and watch these materials to pass their
leasur
Correct your spelling
leisure
 time.
On the other hand
, the other part of
this
 debate,
argue
Correct subject-verb agreement
argues
show examples
 that
government
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the government
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 should limit or
bann
Correct your spelling
ban
 the photographers
to do
Change preposition
from doing
show examples
this
 action, because
this
 may influence celebrities' privacy.
This
 means,
for
example
, the freedom of
people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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in cinema or
polititions
Correct your spelling
politicians
 should not be
limitted
Correct your spelling
limited
 by
such
 occasions.
For instance
,
thesse peaple
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these people
 are not comfortable in restaurants or
shop
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shopping
show examples
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
due to
presence
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the presence
show examples
 of photo takers. I believe the most important reason that nobody should take photos from
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
people
 without their verification is the security issue. Some offenders may want to hurt the famous ones. By accessing these pictures they may find out
wher
Correct your spelling
where
when
 they regularly go and manage an attack
to
Change preposition
on
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 them.
For
example
,
last
 year,
Jastin
Correct your spelling
Justin
 Biebber was been
attaked
Correct your spelling
attacked
 in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 restaurant
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 one
paparatzi
Correct your spelling
paparazzi
 had taken a photo of him. In conclusion,
while
 some believe that photo shooting of famous
people
 has benefits for
entertainment
Add an article
the entertainment
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 industry, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
Correct article usage
the governent
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governent
Correct your spelling
government
 absolutely should take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
policies to address
this
 issue because of privacy and security.
Submitted by jingelbing on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance clarity, ensure each paragraph clearly focuses on a single main idea. Although the essay introduces clear arguments for both sides of the debate, transitions between these ideas could be smoother. Try using linking words and phrases effectively to guide the reader through your points.
task achievement
The task response is fairly good as you dealt with both sides of the issue and provided a personal opinion. However, make sure your position is consistent throughout the essay and avoid contradictory statements. In the conclusion, emphasize your stance more strongly.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, creating a clear structure.
task achievement
Specific examples, such as the Justin Bieber incident, effectively illustrate the arguments presented, enhancing the task achievement score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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