IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy thing we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#people #advertisements #products #lives #support
There is a common belief among
people
 about the importance of advertisements in making
people
 buy goods.
While
 some tend to spend a large amount of money on unnecessary things, some
ads
 can have a significant impact on making others buy recent products that improve their
lives
.
This
 essay will argue that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our
lives
.
Firstly
, with the rapid development of new helpful devices nowadays, there is an urgent need for advertisements that help simplify and understand these products.
Moreover
,nobody could deny the impact of medical conditions on our
lives
. With the increased number of undiagnosed hypertension cases worldwide which lead to death,
blood
Correct article usage
a blood
show examples
 pressure monitor was invented to help diagnose these cases early at home. But
this
 invention could be considered useless if no
ads
 were shown on TV every day explaining how serious
this
 problem is and having these technologies in every place is essential to decrease their incidence. Another point worth mentioning is the influence of short
ads
 that
pops
Correct subject-verb agreement
pop
show examples
during
Change preposition
up during
show examples
 our browsing
social
Change preposition
of social
show examples
 media
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
.
For example
, during my free time, I browse my Instagram app to see my friends’ stories,
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 I
saw
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
 an ad talking about a new charging cable that decrease the charging time by 20 minutes and that would benefit many
people
 to reduce their electricity bills and save some money.
Therefore
, I believe without the power of advertisement
people
 would be unaware of
such
 great devices. Considering the matter in depth, it seems reasonable to say that if companies try to use
ads
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 correct way, it will help societies
in purchasing
Wrong verb form
purchase
show examples
 important goods that have
helpful
Add an article
a helpful
show examples
 effect on our
lives
Submitted by saif_omar98 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance clarity by breaking down complex sentences, and ensure all ideas logically flow from one to another.
Task Response
Ensure each idea is explored thoroughly and supported with evidence or examples for stronger impact.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay effectively introduces the topic and provides a conclusion that supports the argument that advertisements can improve our lives.
Task Achievement
The essay uses relevant examples, such as the blood pressure monitor and charging cable, to support the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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