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Writing Samples /
Band 1.5

Many people say the gap between rich and poor people is wider, as rich people become richer and poor people grow poorer. What problems could this situation cause and what measure can be done to address those problems?

#people #gap #situation #measure #address
In
this
 concurrent era, inequality
income
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in income
show examples
 is the major problem between rich and poor
people
.
This
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In this
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 essay, I will elaborate
more
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in more
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 detail and
thus
 lead to a logical conclusion. First of all, equality education
limited
Add a missing verb
is limited
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 to poor
people
 which
also
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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to
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in
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cycling
Add an article
the cycling
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 of
proverty
Correct your spelling
poverty
. But, rich
people
receiving
Wrong verb form
receive
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 a high standard
education
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of education
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, increasing knowledge and skills,
sometime
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sometimes
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 involving in practical
session
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sessions
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 too.
Furthermore
, poor
people
 struggling mobility income in daily life,
eventhough
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even though
 they wanna start
startup
Correct article usage
a startup
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 business, without
anyone
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anyone's
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 support in terms of
financial
Replace the word
finances
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 is very difficult. Many
people
 say the gap between rich and poor
people
 is wider, as rich
people
 become richer and poor
people
 grow poorer. What problems could
this
 situation cause and what
measure
Fix the agreement mistake
measures
show examples
 can be
done
Verb problem
taken
show examples
 to address those problems?
Submitted by dhivyaravi0396 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on providing a clearer thesis statement and a focused argument in the introduction section. This will help in guiding the reader through your essay more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Use topic sentences at the start of each paragraph to clearly convey the main point and help with logical flow.
task achievement
Add specific examples or evidence to support your arguments, which will help in achieving a more complete response.
task achievement
Ensure to address both parts of the question: problems caused by the gap and measures to address these issues.
coherence cohesion
Expand on the conclusion to summarize your main points and restate your position or suggestions.
task achievement
Effort is made to address the topic of income inequality, which shows understanding of the global issue.
task achievement
Attempted to present problems related to inequality, such as limited access to education and financial difficulties.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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