IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

Many people say the gap between rich and poor people is wider, as rich people become richer and poor people grow poorer. What problems could this situation cause and what measure can be done to address those problems?

#people #gap #situation #measure #address
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
 concurrent era, inequality
income
Change preposition
in income
show examples
 is the major problem between rich and poor
people
.
This
Change preposition
In this
show examples
 essay, I will elaborate
more
Change preposition
in more
show examples
 detail and
thus
 lead to a logical conclusion. First of all, equality education
limited
Add a missing verb
is limited
show examples
 to poor
people
 which
also
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
cycling
Add an article
the cycling
show examples
 of
proverty
Correct your spelling
poverty
. But, rich
people
receiving
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
 a high standard
education
Change preposition
of education
show examples
, increasing knowledge and skills,
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 involving in practical
session
Fix the agreement mistake
sessions
show examples
 too.
Furthermore
, poor
people
 struggling mobility income in daily life,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 they wanna start
startup
Correct article usage
a startup
show examples
 business, without
anyone
Change noun form
anyone's
show examples
 support in terms of
financial
Replace the word
finances
show examples
 is very difficult. Many
people
 say the gap between rich and poor
people
 is wider, as rich
people
 become richer and poor
people
 grow poorer. What problems could
this
 situation cause and what
measure
Fix the agreement mistake
measures
show examples
 can be
done
Verb problem
taken
show examples
 to address those problems?
Submitted by dhivyaravi0396 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on providing a clearer thesis statement and a focused argument in the introduction section. This will help in guiding the reader through your essay more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Use topic sentences at the start of each paragraph to clearly convey the main point and help with logical flow.
task achievement
Add specific examples or evidence to support your arguments, which will help in achieving a more complete response.
task achievement
Ensure to address both parts of the question: problems caused by the gap and measures to address these issues.
coherence cohesion
Expand on the conclusion to summarize your main points and restate your position or suggestions.
task achievement
Effort is made to address the topic of income inequality, which shows understanding of the global issue.
task achievement
Attempted to present problems related to inequality, such as limited access to education and financial difficulties.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays: