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Band 5.5

In many parts of the world, children's were very different from today. What do you think weather adventages or disadventages of life for children in the past?

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In every country on the planet, there is disagreement around the topic of
kids
Use synonyms
' growth. With regard to
this
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 topic, few consider,
nowadays
Correct word choice
that nowadays
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, juveniles
are
Verb problem
have
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 changed a lot.
According to
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 my perspective, these changes have more cons than their pros and provide some relevant grounds.
To begin
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 with, there is no doubt
kids
Use synonyms
 are very different than in the past and it brings numerous concerns to society. Primarily, in
this
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 modern era, adolescents are spending more
time
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 on the internet, TV or video games.
Therefore
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, they do not like to take part in any physical exercise or games.
Consequently
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, many
kids
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 start suffering from obesity or other diseases.
Likewise
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,
kids
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 are isolated from society because they prefer to spend
time
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 on social media rather than spending
time
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 with their in-person friends and relatives.
For instance
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, a recent survey conducted by
Time
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 News of India indicates that almost 50% of children in Mumbai City do not like to go to relative functions and they spend most of their
time
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 on social media.
Additionally
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, in
this
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 fast-moving era, both
parents
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 are working to give a better lifestyle to their family. Henceforth, many guardians start sending their
kids
Use synonyms
 to daycare from their initial months. Partially, children get less
time
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 to spend with their
parents
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.
As a result
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, many
kids
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 have less attraction to their
parents
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 and many
kids
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 are lacking from moral values.
For example
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, an article written by The University Of New York illustrates that almost 80% of
parents
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 in New York send their infants to daycare and they spend less
time
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 with their
kids
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.
Hence
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, in today's world, many children are losing the substantial value of family.
On the contrary
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, undoubtedly,
this
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 modern era brings prominent changes in
kids
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'
lives
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.
Firstly
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,
kids
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 are more advanced. They have all the knowledge about the internet and they can make their career in IT easily. Meanwhile, many
kids
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 start earning from a very small age like video making on social media. In a nutshell,
although
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kids
Use synonyms
 are changing very fast,
nevertheless
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, advancement in
kids
Use synonyms
'
lives
Use synonyms
 takes away many improbable things from their
lives
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.
Thus
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, guardians ought to give more focus
on
Change preposition
to
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kids
Use synonyms
'
lives
Use synonyms
 and try to make their childhood memories more precious.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical flow by organizing your ideas more clearly. Consider using transitional words and phrases to better connect your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly sets up the discussion and your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points with a strong closing thought.
Task Response
Clarify your ideas to make your arguments more comprehensive and easier to follow.
Task Response
You provide relevant specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.
Task Response
Your essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, showing a balanced view.
Coherence and Cohesion
The main points are generally supported with evidence and examples.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • imaginative play
  • supportive environment
  • community bonds
  • outdoor activities
  • technological advancements
  • educational opportunities
  • responsibilities
  • mental health awareness
  • independent exploration
  • traditional gender roles
  • cultural heritage
  • historical knowledge
  • healthcare advancements
  • childhood development
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