In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some nations let a child
having
a paid job Wrong verb form
have
for getting
job-related experiences, Change preposition
to get
while
others argue that it is a strongly unsatisfactory approach. Although
giving children a
work could mean that they can enrich their knowledge and skills as early as possible, giving them Correct article usage
apply
full time
learning at school is Add a hyphen
full-time
more
essential for preventing them from Correct quantifier usage
apply
unecessery
stress.
On the one hand, people Correct your spelling
unnecessary
bellow
18 years old Correct your spelling
below
works
in many particular areas around the world to prepare them to become more professional workers later. It is a fact that in Fix the agreement mistake
work
this
age group, their brains have a
power to absorb Change the article
the
many
information swiftly. As Correct word choice
apply
the
result, they could learn by doing and be more Correct article usage
a
skillfull
when they turn to an adult. Correct your spelling
skilful
skillfully
For example
, parents in the USA who let their offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
selling
lemonade in front of their house, have more chances to make their little ones Wrong verb form
sell
knowing
more about money management.
Wrong verb form
know
On the other hand
, others prefer to make their sons and daughters focus on studying only at least until they finish their
high Correct pronoun usage
apply
schools
. It is because young Fix the agreement mistake
school
mankinds
Correct your spelling
mankind
tend
to have unmature Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
psycological
Correct your spelling
psychological
mechanism
. They may Fix the agreement mistake
mechanisms
can
memorize faster Remove a modal verb
apply
then
the elders but they Replace the word
than
could not
cope Wrong verb form
cannot
stress
Change preposition
with stress
esier
. Correct your spelling
easier
Hense
, later in Correct your spelling
Hence
workplace
, they tend to make many mistakes Add an article
the workplace
becauselack
of knowledge. Correct your spelling
because lack
For instance
, almost of Indonesian entrepreneurs who are not have
any Change the verb form
do not have
sertificate
or degree are more likely to lose their businesses easier.
In conclusion, even Correct your spelling
certificate
tough
boys and girls in some places are getting Correct word choice
though tough
experiencees
and income from work, it will be wiser to not force them to do that and do learning only.Correct your spelling
experiences
experience
Submitted by lulukfuru on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph supports a clear main idea, and links back to the main argument or point. As it stands, some supporting points could be more explicitly connected to your main argument.
task achievement
Proofread to catch and correct minor grammatical errors and typos, such as 'bellow' instead of 'below' or 'haben' instead of 'have'.
task achievement
Elaborate on your examples to make them more relevant and specific to the argument you are making.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both perspectives on the issue, which is commendable for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and conclusion, which provides a clear structure to your piece.
task achievement
The example of children selling lemonade is a practical and relatable scenario that adds value to your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?