In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some nations let a child
having
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have
show examples
a paid job
for getting
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to get
show examples
job-related experiences,
while
others argue that it is a strongly unsatisfactory approach.
Although
giving children
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work could mean that they can enrich their knowledge and skills as early as possible, giving them
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
learning at school is
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
essential for preventing them from
unecessery
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
stress. On the one hand, people
bellow
Correct your spelling
below
show examples
18 years old
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
in many particular areas around the world to prepare them to become more professional workers later. It is a fact that in
this
age group, their brains have
a
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the
show examples
power to absorb
many
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
information swiftly. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
result, they could learn by doing and be more
skillfull
Correct your spelling
skilful
skillfully
when they turn to an adult.
For example
, parents in the USA who let their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
selling
Wrong verb form
sell
show examples
lemonade in front of their house, have more chances to make their little ones
knowing
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
more about money management.
On the other hand
, others prefer to make their sons and daughters focus on studying only at least until they finish
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
high
schools
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school
show examples
. It is because young
mankinds
Correct your spelling
mankind
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
to have unmature
psycological
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psychological
mechanism
Fix the agreement mistake
mechanisms
show examples
. They may
can
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
memorize faster
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
the elders but they
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
cope
stress
Change preposition
with stress
show examples
esier
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easier
.
Hense
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Hence
show examples
, later in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
, they tend to make many mistakes
becauselack
Correct your spelling
because lack
of knowledge.
For instance
, almost of Indonesian entrepreneurs who
are not have
Change the verb form
do not have
show examples
any
sertificate
Correct your spelling
certificate
or degree are more likely to lose their businesses easier. In conclusion, even
tough
Correct word choice
though tough
show examples
boys and girls in some places are getting
experiencees
Correct your spelling
experiences
experience
and income from work, it will be wiser to not force them to do that and do learning only.
Submitted by lulukfuru on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph supports a clear main idea, and links back to the main argument or point. As it stands, some supporting points could be more explicitly connected to your main argument.
task achievement
Proofread to catch and correct minor grammatical errors and typos, such as 'bellow' instead of 'below' or 'haben' instead of 'have'.
task achievement
Elaborate on your examples to make them more relevant and specific to the argument you are making.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both perspectives on the issue, which is commendable for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and conclusion, which provides a clear structure to your piece.
task achievement
The example of children selling lemonade is a practical and relatable scenario that adds value to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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