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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the result of surveys asking undergraduates and postgraduates why they chose Vaster university. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the result of surveys asking undergraduates and postgraduates why they chose Vaster university. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The provided pie chart depicts several
reasons
Use synonyms
 why undergraduates and postgraduates pick Vaster
University
Use synonyms
, based on the surveys.
Overall
Linking Words
, six categories were recorded as the
reasons
Use synonyms
 why the graduates want to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 here:
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reputation
Use synonyms
, cost, location, personal recommendation, accommodation available, and
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
. The proportions
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 varied, with
Use synonyms
reputation
Add an article
a reputation
the reputation
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
 as the biggest slice, and others with the least contribution.
According to
Linking Words
 the graph, almost one-third of the participants aimed Vaster
University
Use synonyms
 for its
reputation
Use synonyms
, and around 1 out of 4 students reported that the cost was their main consideration.
This
Linking Words
 means both cost and
reputation
Use synonyms
 contributed more than half of the whole percentage.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, personal recommendation comprised 20% of the pie.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the remaining 26% consisted of 3 other
reasons
Use synonyms
. The location of the
university
Use synonyms
 gave twice as
less
Correct word choice
little
show examples
 portion as a personal recommendation (10%), and another 9% thought about the availability of
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
last
Linking Words
 7% was for other
reasons
Use synonyms
 which
not
Add a missing verb
were not
show examples
 mentioned in the survey.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words reasons, university, reputation with synonyms.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalent reasons
  • academic reputation
  • campus facilities
  • location
  • course offerings
  • financial considerations
  • tuition fees
  • scholarships
  • undergraduates
  • postgraduates
  • influence
  • attract
  • appeal
  • significant
  • crucial
  • investigating
  • analyzing
  • comparison
  • impact
  • social aspects
  • determining
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