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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes of this? What are the effects of this on individuals and on the society?

#people #time #home #effects #individuals #society
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These days, technology has been developing ,but we can see the houses
in
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apply
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most
time
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 are empty from
people
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 owing to the fact that they spend a lot of
time
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in
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apply
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outdoor
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outdoors
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.
This
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 essay discusses
to
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apply
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the main reasons that create
this
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 happening and the effects of them in
the
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apply
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both
communties
Correct your spelling
communities
 and
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
.
This
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 matter is a result of crowded
the
Correct article usage
apply
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metropolices
Correct your spelling
metropolises
metropolis
 and the
economy
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economic
show examples
 issue. On the one hand, the number of
people
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 who live in big cities
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 a lot;
therefore
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, inhabitants have to spend a great deal of
time
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to go
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going
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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work
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 and
come
Wrong verb form
coming
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 back;
additionally
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, in the rush
hour
Add a comma
hour,
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people
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 spend
to
Correct your spelling
too
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 much
time
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on
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in
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 traffic jam.
On the other hand
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, today,
people
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 need a number of money to make
confortable
Correct your spelling
comfortable
 lives for their
family
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families
show examples
;
consequently
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, they have several works and invest their whole
time
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on
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in
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 working and
climbing
Verb problem
raising
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 their income. Unfortunately, the
influnece
Correct your spelling
influence
 of
this
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 problem
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
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 mental health and the
crims
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crimes
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. On the one side, if communities
work
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 all the
time
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, they have inerations with neither family nor friends; in fact,
this
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 phenomenon
influence
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influences
show examples
in
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apply
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their
metal
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mental
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 health and after a long
time
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 they
related
Wrong verb form
relate
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 from happy
people
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 to the population who are really angry and have less yield. On the other side, In
this
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 kind of
society
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society,
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 children do not have their parents, so they
most
Add a missing verb
are most
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 of the
time
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 are alone and do the range of
the
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apply
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work
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 that they like and do
no
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not
show examples
 learn the best
work
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 and
diffren
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the difference
 between
goo
Correct your spelling
good
show examples
 and bad
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
;
thereafter
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, in the
future
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future,
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 the rate of crime will climb.
To sum up
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, in my opinion, earning a majority
money
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of money
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 and working in the urban areas are the good
point
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points
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;
however
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, the
fatc
Correct your spelling
thing
that is
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 really important is that we have to
compares
Change the verb
compare
show examples
 their benefits and
a
Correct article usage
the
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 negative effect of spending less
time
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 in homes;
then
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 choose their job and the
time
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 of working.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
Try to provide clear and comprehensive ideas by using more structured paragraphs where each part of the argument is clearly outlined and explained.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical flow by using more cohesive devices and connectors to make the relationship between sentences and ideas more apparent.
task achievement
Use specific examples to illustrate your points more effectively. This will help support your main ideas and make your argument more convincing.
task achievement
You addressed the prompt by discussing both causes and effects of people spending less time at home.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes an introduction and a conclusion which helps in structuring the response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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