IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

With the advances in science and technology, people from different ends of the world can communicate with each other. What is your opinion on the impact of technologies on our lives? Do you think that these advances only result in positive outcomes?

#advances #science #technology #people #ends #world #impact #technologies #lives #outcomes
In my opinion, life become faster and more
convincent
Correct your spelling
convenient
convinced
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the growth of technology. In the past,
people
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 only talk to others
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
limited
Correct article usage
a limited
show examples
 time and area if it is
conculed
Correct your spelling
concluded
concealed
 in the service area,
however
, the growth of technology and science helps to connect
people
among
Change preposition
around
show examples
 the world.
People
 are easier to talk with others in different countries whenever they want
throgh
Correct your spelling
through
 smartphones, social media and computers.
Also
,
people
 can order food and daily materials they like through apps or websites before they arrive
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
restaurents
Correct your spelling
restaurants
. It saves time of
waiting
Add the preposition
waiting for
show examples
 food and eating in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
restaurants and it become more
convincent
Correct your spelling
convenient
convinced
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
daily life.
However
, I think that there are negative impacts
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the growth of science and
teachnlogy
Correct your spelling
technology
 that
people
 become lack face-to-face
convensation
Correct your spelling
conversation
conversations
 and
being
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 rude and
less
Add a missing verb
have less
show examples
resopnsibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media. As
people
 like to communicate with others by using phones or apps,
people
 started to have less
communation
Correct your spelling
communication
communion
 with
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 in reality. They become shy and speak with limited words or sentences
while
 talking to
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
.
Also
,
people
 behave
rude
Change the adjective
rudely
show examples
 and say something
disrepsectful
Correct your spelling
disrespectful
 to
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 by commenting as they think that they do not need to take the responsibility in virtual world.
Therefore
, I think that there are still some negative impacts caused by the advance
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 science and
teachnologies
Correct your spelling
technologies
.
Submitted by asllchkied on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Improve grammatical accuracy and spelling to enhance clarity. For instance, "become" should be "became," "convincent" should be "convenient," "can only talk to others in limited time and area if it is conculed in the service area" could be rephrased for clarity.
structure
The essay could benefit from a more defined structure, including clear paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph has a central idea.
support
Include more specific examples to support claims, especially about the positive impacts of technology.
content
The essay clearly addresses both positive and negative impacts of technological advances.
critical thinking
Good attempt at discussing multiple aspects of the topic, showing a balanced view.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: