Many people spend the whole day at a computer and don’t have much time for exercise. What problem does this lifestyle lead to? How can these problems be avoided?? Give reason for you answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge and experience.

A lot of individuals are busy with their PCs
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and do not have
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
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to
workout
Correct your spelling
work out
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.
Such
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
lifestyle
culminates in isolation and health issues.
However
, from my perspective, not having time
for moving
Change preposition
to move
show examples
is just an excuse. I
wholeharedly
Correct your spelling
wholeheartedly
believe that everyone can create at least one hour to walk or exercise. In today's world,
people
have become exceedingly dependent on computers.
This
shift has brought
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
lifestyle
, which is sedentary. In
such
a context, we encounter more health and mental problems related to
this
lifestyle
.
For instance
,
as a result
of lacking
face to face
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face-to-face
show examples
communications
Fix the agreement mistake
communication
show examples
,
people
have become more
self-centered
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self-centred
show examples
, and it has led to asocial
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
.
Furthermore
, by sitting in front of the computers, the number of overweight individuals has soared. Corresponding to
Correct article usage
a sedentery
show examples
sedentery
Correct your spelling
sedentary
lifestyle
,
15
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a 15
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percent
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per cent
show examples
of increment in the ratio of obese
people
has been observed. Unfortunately, obesity is closely linked to cardiovascular diseases and diabetes. Since
people
are prone to make themselves believe that
such
lifestyle
Correct article usage
a lifestyle
show examples
is the only alternative to live, it has become an addiction. Yet, there is no unbreakable habit. If they are not slaves, everybody can create at least 1 hour to make themselves move.
A routine
Correct article usage
Routine
show examples
work,
such
as shopping,
for instance
, can be done in person
instead
of doing it online, or 20 minutes of walking in
open
Correct article usage
the open
show examples
air might be considered. These solutions may seem insignificant, but their effects are remarkable.
Consequently
, generating excuses about life is easy; yet,
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
show examples
to face
Verb problem
apply
show examples
are heavy. In conclusion, there are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
numerous challenges have come with static life,
such
as a lack of dialogue and obesity-rooted health conditions. In fact, there are numerous solutions to tackle
this
problem if
people
do not produce excuses.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
Your response to the task is comprehensive; however, try to include more specific examples to reinforce your arguments better. Consider using statistics or case studies where possible.
coherence cohesion
Your essay flows well with clear connections between ideas. To enhance coherence, ensure that each paragraph directly supports your thesis and that the transitions between paragraphs are smooth.
coherence cohesion
You've presented a solid introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your essay and summarizing the key points.
task achievement
You clearly address the issues caused by a sedentary lifestyle and offer viable solutions, which is a great demonstration of task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical and easy to follow, with a clear progression of ideas.

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