IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people believe the purpose of education should be helping the individual to become useful for society, while others believe it should help individuals to achieve their ambitions.Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #purpose #education #society #individuals #ambitions
It is thought that the primary aim of schooling should be assisting humans to become beneficial for a country by some,
while
 others consider it should lend a hand
humans
Change preposition
to humans
show examples
 to accomplish
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 aspirations.I do believe those who have former
belief
Fix the agreement mistake
beliefs
show examples
. Some individuals think that
education
 needs to aim to help
people
 to acquire their future goals.
This
 is because there is nothing better than studying to be a person who
one
 dreams to be.
For example
, if
one
 wants to be a renowned scientist,
then
 there is nothing but learning and working on himself or herself to
achieving
Wrong verb form
achieve
show examples
 his/her ambitions.
People
,
therefore
, take into account that to
accomplishing
Wrong verb form
accomplish
show examples
one
's aspirations, he or she is helped by providing
education
 in quality.
However
, I am
off
Replace the word
of
show examples
 the opinion
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 those who
tent
Correct your spelling
tend
show examples
 to think that the prime object of schooling should be
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
assisting humans to become a resident who
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 helpful
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
.True, the former view is
also
one
 of the fundamental
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 but the prime is being
useful
Add an article
a useful
show examples
 citizen for a country which is why
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 provides citizens with free
education
 hoping that
one
 day they will profit
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the economy of a country. In conclusion,
although
 some consider
education
 helps
people
 to acquire their intent, I do trust in
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 think schooling aids
people
 to become beneficial for society.
Submitted by Writing9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure all main points are fully developed with relevant examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow between paragraphs and signpost ideas more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing both sides more clearly before stating your opinion.
coherence cohesion
You have maintained a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Both sides of the argument are presented, and you have stated your opinion clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: