IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has led to many social problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#phone #years
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It is often argued that social
problems
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 have increased by using mobile
phones
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 over the past several years.I strongly agree with the said notion,that mobile
phones
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 have caused social isolation and a sedentary lifestyle.
This
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 essay will explore these
problems
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 in detail. On the one hand, the mobile phone has become an essential part of our lives as, most
people
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 use mobile
phones
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 as a source of communication, to connect with friends, family, and even
people
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 around the world.
For example
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, Instagram, Facebook, and WhatsApp are widely used apps that
people
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 utilize to make connections.
In other words
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, nowadays
people
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 have limited time to make face-to-face interaction with others,and they seldom visit their relationships that's why mobile
phones
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 are used for making video calls, or to chit-chat with friends, having no physical connections.
However
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, many social
problems
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 have been raised because of using mobile
phones
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such
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 as social isolation
as well as
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 unhealthy lifestyles.
People
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 have reduced kinship with others, they want to live in their own world,
in addition
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, they do not want anyone to interfere in their lives because of
this
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 they have bound themselves.
Thus
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 it leads to social isolation.
secondly
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, excessive use of mobile
phones
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 has made
people
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 lazy and inactive
as a result
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 of
this
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 they face numerous social and psychological
problems
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for instance
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,
people
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 who spend their time alone are more prone to depression in their lives.
To sum up
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, mobile
phones
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 have both pros and cons, spending a large amount of time using a mobile makes
people
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 stressed and isolated and socially not productive.
Submitted by madihaali8470 on

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. While you mentioned platforms like Instagram and Facebook, try to provide data or studies that support the impact of these platforms on social isolation and sedentary lifestyles.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all ideas are clearly connected; work on making each paragraph transition smoothly to the next. This will help maintain the reader's train of thought throughout the essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear, sets a strong premise, and is very relevant to the topic.
logical structure
Your essay structure is logical, with clear paragraphs and a consistent argument. This enhances readability.
clear comprehensive ideas
You effectively identified and articulated two major negative consequences of mobile phone use, providing a foundation for your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face interactions
  • social skills
  • personal relationships
  • mental health issues
  • anxiety and depression
  • distractions
  • cyberbullying
  • productivity
  • learning outcomes
  • communication
  • access to information
  • professional growth
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