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Band 4

Some people think that in modern society individuals are becoming more dependent on each other, while others say that individuals are becoming more independent of each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #society #individuals
In the
last
 years, some
people
 said that the
individuals
Change to a genitive case
individual's
individuals'
show examples
 society
getting to be
Verb problem
is becoming
show examples
 more dependent on helping
others
,
while
 there are some
people
 who think that the individuals are becoming more independent of each other. Both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
views have
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 reasons. On the one hand, the
people
 who said it is dependent on helping and sharing
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
 are
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
right in some cases.
The
Change preposition
In the
show examples
firs
Correct your spelling
first
show examples
 case,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans need each other to complete all of
Add an article
the life
show examples
life
Change noun form
life's
show examples
 tasks.
For example
, the company can not just depend on one person or two, it
is require
Change the verb form
requires
show examples
a groups
Correct the article-noun agreement
a group
groups
show examples
 of
people
 who can understand each other to reach to the successful.
In addition
, they
are need
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 each other to create new
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 and improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humanity
Change noun form
humanity's
show examples
life
. When they
are pull
Change the verb form
are pulled
are pulling
show examples
 together, they will make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
 better and easier.
On the other hand
, the
people
 who said it is independent of each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
 and do everything by themselves are
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
right
also
 in some conditions.
Firstly
, sometimes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more sharing is
Add an article
a disadvantage
show examples
disadvantage
Replace the word
disadvantageous
show examples
 to the teams because it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
will make them careless persons, and let the
others
 do their job. So
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 independent and
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 your job by yourself is the main thing to develop your personality. In my opinion, individuals are becoming more dependent on each other.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 is in fact
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good thing because the most important reason to enhance the lifestyle of
people
 and make their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 better and easier is by helping and supporting each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
.
Submitted by anasepic.9999 on

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Development
Expand on specific examples that illustrate the ideas being discussed, especially to support your opinion.
Organization
Work on clearly and logically organizing ideas within paragraphs to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
Language & Grammar
Focus on improving sentence structures and grammar to make the ideas clearer and more easily understood.
Structure
The essay introduces both views on the topic and offers a clear opinion in the conclusion.
Content
There is a balanced attempt to explore both perspectives regarding dependence and independence in modern society.
Analysis
The essay implies a reasoned opinion that substantiates the preference for interdependence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • interdependence
  • globalized economy
  • collaborative work environments
  • crowd-sourced
  • empowered
  • perception
  • availability
  • autonomy
  • reliance
  • shifted
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